Pickin' Nits Is Trying To Be Faster Than My Effing iOS 7 Update

Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

It's taken three hours. Three.

I started writing this at 2:19 p.m. on Wednesday. By this point, I've been downloading iOS 7 for my iPhone for about an hour and a half. My goal is to finish this before my update is done in...*checks phone*...24 minutes. That's been fluctuating during my download but whatever.

Listen to this awesome rendition of "Let Me Clear My Throat" by DJ Kool while you read. Let's get this going.

Women's Soccer

  • Women's soccer is hotter than Seth Rogen's new movie. They're hot, hot, hot. The team has won their last five matches by an aggregate score of 19-5. Currently, the team's #9 in the country, which is nice I suppose.
  • Here's how the team has looked since the last version of PN: 1-0 win vs. Boston, 6-0 win at Bucknell, 4-2 win at Oklahoma State, 3-2 win at Tulsa. Some relevant stats from that stretch: Maya Hayes and Mallory Weber both have four goals and an assist, Raquel Rodriguez has four assists, and Taylor Schram has one goal and three assists.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: The team has three home matches in the next few days as they kick off Big Ten play -- Northwestern on the 20th, Purdue on the 26th, and Indiana on the 29th. If you can, go to the match against Purdue. It's for charity. Trust me.

Men's Soccer

  • Rutgers, #23 St. John's, #5 Cal, Robert Morris. In that stretch, the team went 1-1-2, with losses against the first two teams, a draw against Cal, and a win over Robert Morris. And to think, all Jurgen Klinsmann could do was sit there and watch as the team lost. *remembers the manager isn't Jurgen Klinsmann* *cries*
  • The aggregate score of the team's four matches was 3-6. Not exactly reassuring, but whatever. Three Nittany Lions found the back of the net: Martin Seiler, Owen Griffith, and Canadian international Mark Wadid. We're gonna need to have a stern talk with Mr. Wadid over things like "freedom" and "liberty," but we'll save that for another day.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: Home against Duqane on the 22nd, at West Virginia on the 25th, and kicking off Big Ten play against 25th ranked BERT's old team at home on the 29th. None of them get in the way of watching the USMNT, so everything's cool.

Field Hockey

  • I'm not gonna sit here and tell you how field hockey works (all I know is everyone uses a righty stick, which sucks for lefties like myself), but I am pretty sure that something weird's going on with its rankings. PSU is 3-3, yet they're ranked 12th. Other weird things: Northwestern is 7-1 and ranked 13th, while Old Dominion is ranked 20th with a 1-5 record. This is OBAMA'S AMERICA and the BOT's fault.
  • Anyway, weird stuff here -- field hockey went 2-2 since the last time we met. They lost both home matches (to Temple and #4 UConn) by scores of 3-0 and 4-3. They then won both away matches (Lock Haven and #3 Princeton) by scores of 3-0 and 4-3. FIELDHOCKEYCEPTION.
  • Taylor Harold and Whitney Reddig led the way for the Nittany Lions with two goals over their four games. Nice.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: The 20th at home against Delaware, followed by three away games against Lafayette (Sept. 22nd), Miami Ohio (28th, neutral site), and Indiana (29th). Also, I finally have a reason to use my favorite Wayne's World clip -- I'm in Delaware.

Cross Country

  • Making its debut this week, cross country! Welcome, guys. Take off your shoes when entering the house, we do the Japanese thing around here.
  • The team has had two meets so far, and have won both: the Dolan Duels in Lock Haven on the 6th and the Harry Grove Spiked Shoe Invitational at home on the 13th.
  • It's hard to find results for XC meets on GoPSU because, as we all know, the site hates me almost as much as our readers do (ok, it's not even close, you guys loathe me <3), but from what I can tell, Robby Creese won his race at both meets, while Marta Klebe and Stephanie Giannotti won their races at the Dolan Duels and the Harry Grove Spiked Shoe Invitational, respectively.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: Nothing. So...um...yeah. They run again on October 5th at the Paul Short Run in Bethlehem.

Golf

  • Also making its debut this week, golf! Welcome, dudes and dudettes. Guys, make sure to put the seat down.
  • The men's team has had two meets this year. The guys came in 8th out of 12 teams at the Gopher Invitational in Minnesota on September 8th/9th, then came in 6th out of 11 teams at the Wolverine Intercollegiate in Ann Arbor on the 16th/17th. So...that sucks.
  • GoPSU is telling me the golf team came in 8th, while the official program for the Gopher Invitational has them DQ'd? I dunno. I'm confused. As for the Wolverine Intercollegiate, the team shot +12, led by an E finish from Jens Talbert.
  • The women's team, on the other hand, came in 13th at the Cougar Classic in Charleston, S.C. on September 8th-10th. Their best golfer, Ellen Ceresko, shot a +2 to finish in a tie for 19th.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: The ladies travel to Rocky Top for the Rocky Top Intercollegiate from the 20th to the 22nd, while the men have the Windon Memorial Classic on the 22nd and 23rd. This section was lame. Spice things up with this video of USC students being USC students.

Women's Tennis

  • Welcome to the show, women's tennis! You're looking good, lost weight? New haircut? It's been a while.
  • The team had one event: the Racquet Club of Midland Invite in Midland, Texas. That town was in Friday Night Lights, I just forget how. Dammit. I suck.
  • The big performer on the day was Samantha Tutelman, who made it to the tournament's consolation finals before falling to Baylor's Blair Shankle by a score of 6-5, 6-2. Also for the Nittany Lions, Devan McCluskey and Jacqueline Zuhse made it to the second round of the doubles tournament before falling 8-5.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: The Cisse Leary Invitational in Philly from the 20th to the 22nd, then a (potential) trip to California for the ITA All-Americans from September 28th to October 6th. If they don't qualify for that, they can go to the Yale Invitational from October 4th through 6th. Lots of stuff. My head hurts.

Women's Volleyball

  • All is right in the world, as women's volleyball is the #1 team in America again. Which is good. Russ Rose doesn't build teams of ruthless assassins with top 5 expectations. He has top ranked expectations because Russ Rose can do that.
  • The team has had five matches since the last PN, and went 4-1 with their only loss coming to Texas in Austin. Here's what happened: 9/07, Texas, 2-3 (25-27, 25-17, 13-25, 25-21, 15-10); 9/08, Florida, 3-0 (25-18, 25-17, 25-20); 9/13, Marquette, 3-0 (25-17, 25-12, 25-17); 9/14, Central Arkansas, 3-0 (25-20, 25-22, 25-10); 9/14, Florida Gulf Coast, 3-0 (25-8, 25-15, 25-17).
  • Also, Micha Hancock's served killed 11 people. Three from Texas, one from Florida, five from Marquette, one from Central Arkansas, and one from Dunk City. Take a moment to remember them.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: Three cupcake games at home against Albany, Eastern Kentucky, and Yale before Big Ten play starts on the 27th against Sparty.

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