Dear James Franklin,
Let me be one of the many people who have already welcomed you to Happy Valley. My name is Bill DiFilippo, I'm an Assistant Editor here at Black Shoe Diaries, its resident degenerate student, and a massive college football fan. I have been following what you have done at Vanderbilt for years, and could not be happier with Penn State's decision to hire you to lead its football program into the future.
As a huge football fan, I have spent a ton of time watching your Vandy teams, and the thing that really stuck out to me -- other than the fact that Aaron Rodgers' little brother is nowhere near as good as he is -- is you, James. You're a high-energy, high-octane coach who would run through a three-foot-thick wall of titanium if it meant your team would have a better chance of winning. You are also, quite frankly, absolutely delightful in press conferences, interviews, halftime speeches, and basically everything else that was covered here.
For that reason, I'd like to formally welcome you to Penn State with a simple gesture of friendship: I would like to take you to one of the many bars/restaurants in town, and buy you a beer. Just one beer. I'd like to sit back and share an adult beverage with you while we shoot the shit about really anything -- football, recruiting, life, international politics, the discography of KRS-One, you name it. You seem like a remarkably interesting dude, and I would like to take 20 to 30 minutes of what is probably a hectic schedule and show you how much I and the rest of the Penn State community appreciate you.
Now, I understand that your schedule is probably insanely busy. Hell, you said in this video that you haven't eaten in the last 48 hours. Well, you need to eat sometime, why not eat while I buy you a beer at one of State College's many fine bars/restaurants?
I already have an idea for some places: Kildare's, Zeno's, and Z-Bar have excellent beer and food options. The Seco...uh...Local Whiskey and Bar Bleu are fantastic options if you want to grab a beer and watch sports. Hell, there are some awesome places nowhere near campus -- Otto's, Champs, and, uh, that's it -- that are absolutely delightful. I'll even drive!
If you are interested in this offer, I can be reached via email: bdifilippo1 AT gmail DOT com. I can also be reached via DM on Twitter, @bflip33, because as you can guess, I follow you. All of our conversation will be off the record, so you don't have to worry about throwing shade at someone and me printing it.
So what do you say, coach? I'm sure it'd be a swell time, plus there's no way it's as time consuming as, say, blowing up balloons in a backyard for someone's kids. Let me know.
Hit Me Up,
P.S. -- If we do this, please bring Herb Hand.