Success With Hyperlinking's Visiting Stankonia

David Banks

A special Outkast edition of SWH, for all your Tuesday afternoon internet derping around needs

*Jim Nantz voice* HELLO, FRIENDS! Welcome to this week's edition of SWH, your favorite "Jesus, it's 4 p.m. and I just want to waste some time on the Internet because I loathe my job" article! This week will be Outkast themed. Because Outkast fucking reunited and it was AWESOME.

Gangsta Shit -- Ok before we get into the fun stuff, we still need your help funding We Are! 2014. At the time I'm writing this, we're 47 percent of the way to our goal. Of course, since we're 47 percent of the way there, Mitt Romney doesn't care about our fundraising efforts, but whatever. Long story short, you got money, and we need money, so give us money. Please.

Good Day, Good Sir -- I'd like to announce in here that all of us at Onward State would like you to join us on the Inaugural Herb Hand Pizza Crawl. Get all the info here. It's gonna be a blast.

Club Donkey Ass -- We hired a new guy. I would like to describe him as a donkey ass. Don't welcome him.

Return of the 'G' -- ESPN Big Ten did a tournament looking to name the best football coach in conference history. Joe Pa took down guys like Tom Osborne and Woody Hayes en route to being named the greatest coach in the history of the #B1G-est conference in America.

Y'all Scared -- Penn State hoops fans collectively tightened their sphincters earlier this week when it was reported that St. John's was interest in getting D.J. Newbill to transfer from Happy Valley to Queens. I shouldn't need to explain why this is terrifying, but if Newbill were to leave, Penn State hoops would probably win -- *does math* -- six games next year. Luckily, Newbill (either directly or indirectly) squashed all the rumors on his Twitter...we hope.

Behold a Lady -- As we all know, Maggie Lucas is better at basketball than any of us. She has turned her basketball wizardry into a professional career, getting drafted in last night's WNBA Draft by the Phoenix Mercury, where she will join Diana Taurasi and Brittney Griner. Congrats, Maggie! Go easy on 'em, ok?

Call of Da Wild -- One of Penn State's longest tenured coaches is leaving Happy Valley to take a new job. Women's basketball assistant Maren Walseth is headed north to North Dakota State, and will be the team's new head women's basketball coach. All of us at BSD with Walseth the best, as long as her team never plays Penn State.

Call the Law -- In various legal going ons, the Paterno family has asked a judge to force the NCAA to hand over discovery materials. Also, Louis Freeh -- who has the exact same look on his face in every picture -- got an expedited appeal for his legal battles. So, whatever.

B.O.B. -- Former LSU quarterback Zach Mettenberger called Bill O'Brien a "football genius," and said every interaction he's has with him has been great. We know, Zach. We know.

Ain't No Thang -- Penn State raised an insane $2.158 billion (WITH A B) over seven years as part of its For the Future campaign. Athletics pitched in more than $350 million in that time. Awesome.

You're Beautiful -- The Beaver Stadium run was over the weekend, as is tradition during Blue White Weekend. Tim ran it. I didn't. Tim is in better shape than I am. ANYWAYS, Tom Bradley received a Community Hero Award for showing support and generosity to Special Olympics and the community. miss u, scrap

SpottieOttieDopaliscious -- A bunch of people won shit in the last week. John Urschel won another thing for being John Urschel. The Lionettes leg kicked their way to a third straight national title. Club field hockey also won its third straight national title. Penn State: Where People Are Good At Stuff (that's the new marketing campaign I just came up with).

Reset -- I wrote lots of words on a really good PSU swimmer. I also wrote lots of words on Kansas's Joel Embiid. CM Punk probably isn't coming back for a long time and that makes me sad. For real, Outkast's set at Coachella was magic. Tom Ziller of The Mothership handed out NBA season awards...kinda#BostonStrongGAAAAAAAME OOOOOFFFFFFF THROOOOOOOOOOOONES!!!!~!~!!!!! Here's an excellent eulogy that goes along with last week's episode of GoT. lol phillies. The Honest Trailer for "The Wolf of Wall Street" is predictably fantastic.

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