Mark Emmert is the chairman of the NCAA, and do you know what the NCAA has done for me today?
I am so excited that I want to write this fanpost like an annoying journalist. In my excitement, I am tempted to have most of my paragraphs be of only a few sentences, with lots of witty punch lines.
I'm like Bill Plaschke.
Think of how excited a man would have to be to write like Bill Plaschke.
Anyway, so, as jtothemotherfudgingp so beautifully wrote, the NCAA D1 wrestling tournament is the best thing since apple butter on baked scrapple. And now, I find myself beyond words. I am overjoyed. The tournament is coming to Cleveland, Ohio in 2018.
Wrestling is my favorite sport. Rust Belt cities are my favorite cities. This combination blows my mind. Cleveland is a ridiculously ludicrous place. I was there once, and was struck by how distinctly Clevelandian it is. Cleveland is so Cleveland. I have never before written a bucket list, but now I have one, and it's all because of you, Mark Emmert.
Also, when I'm in Cleveland, I'm going to go over to St. Edward high school and piss on their wrestling mats to show my Pennsylvanian contempt for all wrestling programs that aren't Pennsylvanian. You may be the "best wrestling program in the nation", but so far as I am concerned, you aren't even the third best wrestling program in Mifflin County.
I'M COMING FOR YOU, CUYAHOGA COUNTY! AND I'M BRINGING WORLDBFAT WITH ME! WE'RE COMING HOME!
CLEVELAND! WRESTLING! CAEL IN CLEVELAND!