Serve Up For Pickin' Nits

Clive Brunskill

Love-30

I had a tennis revelation this weekend. The dashing picture of Andy Murray doing something I'm not quite sure is a perfect representation of what really happened as I was casually strolling by the courts.

I felt kind of bad that I didn't stop for a little to actually try and take in a match, but I got over it quickly

So swing away!

Baseball

There is not a hotter team on campus right now than these sluggers. Penn State took two out of three last weekend in West Lafayette over Purdue and knocked off West Virginia at home Tuesday 8-4. I wouldn't usually brag about beating a Big East team in baseball, but since the NCAA went into a continental shift on conferences, then brag I must. Don't get me started on conference realignment. (I am well aware WVU is not in the Big East)

This Week Ahead: Rob Cooper takes his team to Columbus to take on the Buckeyes for three games starting Friday. The Nittany Lions are 8-0 at home this year, but only 7-12 on the road and seven of the next 10 will be away from State College.

Softball

I had my first metaphorical foot-in-mouth moment this week. I thought the ladies would pounce on the creatures from Saint Francis this week. It happens to the best of us. Penn State split with the Red Flash Wednesday and now have a season-best winning streak on the horizon. The sweep over Michigan State last weekend was a pleasant surprise for Amanda Lehotak's squad.

This Week Ahead: We can't have kids getting plunked in the head by foul balls and home runs in the grass while playing football before the Blue/White game this weekend, so Penn State will head to Indiana for a three-game set with the Hoosiers. You know what Indiana calls their Spring Game? The Cream/Crimson game....HA

Golf

A colleague of mine has been walking around since Sunday wishing everyone "Happy Masters Week". Can you blame him though? Even if Eldrick forgot to take his excessive Bayer dosage, this is a weekend everyone should have circled. I can't believe the men have to head out and play this weekend. Is someone going to have the Al Czervik golf bag getting highlights throughout the day? "This is my guest Mr. Wang, no offense."

This Week Ahead: Like I mentioned, while the men will be on the links in Columbus, I'm sure the rest of us will be fist deep in a bag of cheese puffs and Arnold Palmer listening to Jim Nantz gently lull us to sleep.

Lax

The bros dropped another one last week to Drexel in triple overtime falling to 4-6 on the season.

The women hung tough with Northwestern, but fell 5-4. Penn State rallied back with a 13-8 win over Cornell to push their record to 8-5 on the year.

This Week Ahead: Ohio State mush have known this weekend was Blue/White weekend and wanted to pull our other athletic programs over there. Thanks guys. Hey I got a good idea, how about Gene Smith takes that $18k raise and buy our Nittany Lions some coffee and doughnuts or something. We know his pockets aren't that empty even though he just dished out $2 million for this year's non-conference football opponents.

Anyway, the women will be in Columbus on Sunday and the bros head to Towson on Saturday.

Men's Volleyball

Business as usual. 3-0 over Harvard 3-0 over Sacred Heart. That's what Kevin Ollie would refer to as "Level Five".

This Week Ahead: At Saint Francis on Saturday, you don't need to know anything else.

Tennis

Alright this is what I've been waiting for. So I was walking to attend a personal affair on Sunday and happened to pass by the tennis courts and I noticed two particular things this weekend. I turned my head and heard a noise that had me puzzled. I thought it was only a myth, but apparently collegiate tennis players do it too. It didn't sound like a sheep being run over by an 18-wheeler, but I went in depth.

I pulled out my phone and kept track of how often these noises were going on. For 27.3 seconds, I heard eight "grunts". That was as close as a Penthouse issue and sports could be connected as I may ever get to witness. What a moment.

Now for my second observation. On the way back from my affairs, the matches were over and the courts were open to the public. I noticed on one court two of the smartest young men I've ever met and two fine young ladies who were partaking in a great Sunday afternoon of activity.

It was a doubles co-ed match and let me be frank, they all were pretty terrible. One of the girls asked her partner to help her with her "form". It hit me right then and there that tennis may be the sleaziest sport to make a move on someone to see if you're out of the friend-zone or not.

All of the reach around positioning, the grasping of the handle, the swinging of the hips and the countless references to "contact" and "ball" were astonishing. It only would have been complete if we would have heard a little Ratt action over the loud speakers and then seen Tawny Kitaen appear from the distance. This guy was making the moves and I felt like an idiot for never asking a girl to go play tennis before!

If you have the intuitiveness and that "can-do attitude" guys, those afternoons on the court can turn out to be better than expected.

As for the Penn State tennis thing, I didn't stay and watch. The men took down Wisconsin and Minnesota on the road last weekend and the women took down 'Scony, but fell to Minnesota

This Week Ahead: The men take on Purdue and Indiana on Friday and Sunday respectively on the road while the women retain the home court against Purdue and Indiana as well.

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