Black Shoe Diaries: FanPosts

Memorial Day Weekend OT Thread

2013-05-24T14:02:47Z

Fry it, grill it, shoot it, shotgun it or chuck it. Those options should be enough to get you through most Memorial Day weekend decisions. Since it's a holiday and that typically means people take off, have off, or just do anything but work (exhibit A: this fanpost), I figured an OT thread might be in order.

So what's your Memorial Day advice, plans or traditions? Why the hell hasn't anyone started a football summer league (not sure when the Arena league is, but that doesn't count)? What the hell am I supposed to do with myself now that the hockey season is winding down and I'm soon to be left with nothing but baseball for several months? I still don't know whether I think Olivia Munn or Olivia Wilde is hotter, but any evidence you can provide to sway my opinion would be appreciated. Will Rambler grace us with a Civil War history lesson?

The IOC has praised wrestling's changes, which is an encouraging sign for the 2020 Olympics. Although, the IOC doesn't really stand much of a chance at stopping wrestling from continuing to be an Olympic sport. If Cael Sanderson wants it to be one, it damn well will be one. What Cael wants, Cael gets. When he joins forces with Dan Gable, I don't believe there's anything on this planet they can't accomplish.

BTN continues to slight Penn State

2013-05-23T15:07:40Z

Full disclosure, I've always though the Big Ten Network has played down Penn State since the bad news broke. Penn State programming is rarely on, and to make it more infuriating, the network includes Nebraska's Big 12 games in lists like "Best Big Ten Quarterbacks of the 2000s."

Anyway, the newest BTN slap in the face comes from esteemed columnist Tom Dienhart. In his Penn State schedule breakdown, Dienhart proclaims Ohio State has won 8 of the last 11 against PSU, and leads the all time series 15-8.

That's great, if you don't include ANY of the games played between 1997-2011. Oddly enough he does include Ohio State's vacated win.

I emailed Dien hart here's what he had to say:

"I am well aware of the vacated wins. But I don't like to acknowledge them. The games happened."

Here's the story, you can't make this stuff up:

http://btn.com/2013/05/20/schedule-analysis-can-obrien-psu-do-it-again/?cmp=user+shared+twitter

That's great, if you don't include ANY of the games played between 1997-2011. Oddly enough he does include Ohio State's vacated win.

I emailed Dien hart here's what he had to say:

"I am well aware of the vacated wins. But I don't like to acknowledge them. The games happened."

Here's the story, you can't make this stuff up:

http://btn.com/2013/05/20/schedule-analysis-can-obrien-psu-do-it-again/?cmp=user+shared+twitter

WE ARE! 2013 Kickstarter Telethon: Day 2

2013-05-23T12:04:50Z

Ska: Welcome back everyone to day two of our WE ARE! 2013 Kickstarter Telethon, where we are raising money for the BSD backed, mother approved Penn State Football e-magazine you can snag for yourself for only $6! Thats right, only $6 to get your very own copy full of great articles, reviews, and previews for this upcoming season. Who's going to be the starting quarterback that doesn't transfer after the article is written? Who will replace banana peel at right tackle? Where will Ham Sandwich play this season? All this probably wont be in this e-magazine because its actually something done in a professional manner, but instead you'll get real information about the upcoming Penn State football season. For that other stuff you can just visit my Tumblr.

Ska: Up first in our bevy of celebrity helpers, we have former Penn State linebacker Paul Posluszny! Hey Paul, how are you doing?

Poz: Well thanks for asking Ska, I'm doing much better now that I've left that infernal pit of despair known as Jacksonville. Nothing beats coming back to Happy Valley, which is exactly how you'll feel reading the We Are! 2013 e-magazine. It's a great way for fans who live far away from Penn State to feel connected with the team on gameday. And chances are you'll know more than the experts, even if you can't read and can only look at the pictures.

Ska: So its a great gift for Ohio State fans?

Ska and Poz: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Poz: Oh you...

Ska: I know, I know. I'm a kidder. But seriously, thanks for stoppi-wait, Paul. What are you doing? Did you just take off your shirt?

Poz: What? No...it just...fell off. Look, I brought you this pie I made. Try some.

Ska: Alllllllright....thanks. Hmm, this pie is actually pretty good. Is this coconu- oh for chrissakes, are you running through the ocean in a seductive manner now?

Poz: ...No.

Ska: That doesn't even make sense. This is more awkward than the training montage from Rocky 3. Ok, lets move on and check our status, shall we?

Ska: Right now we're sitting at 60% and 199 backers. Who will be the 200th backer? If you happen to be the 200th backer, as a reward you get...

/pulls out card to read

//stares at card trembling slightly

Ska: It says you get...a date with...Emma Stone...

/scrambles furiously to find a computer, knocking over an elderly woman in the process

Ska: HA! I'M THE 200TH BACKER! I GET A DATE WITH EMMA STONE, BITCHES!

/door slams open

Ska: ...

/single tear of joy rolls down cheek

Ska: I uh, think that would be...me, Ms. Stone?

Ska: Your mouth says no, but your eyes say yes...

Ska: Ok, thats just a no.

Ska: I dont even know what to say to that.

Ska: Ok that's not even true. At all. None...none of that is true. I...I don't even know...where you might hear...something like...that. Let's just move on.

Ska: Look everybody, its actor Ryan Gosling!

Ska: You have got to be kidding me.

Ska: Yeah, alright. Lets just end this already. Pledge to the We Are! 2013 Kickstarter and there's a pretty good chance your dreams wont be crushed in an incredibly public and embarrassing fashion. And you don't even have to take a swim test to qualify.

MAKE YOUR PLEDGE NOW!

Ska: Up first in our bevy of celebrity helpers, we have former Penn State linebacker Paul Posluszny! Hey Paul, how are you doing?

Ska: So its a great gift for Ohio State fans?

Ska and Poz: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Poz: Oh you...

Ska: I know, I know. I'm a kidder. But seriously, thanks for stoppi-wait, Paul. What are you doing? Did you just take off your shirt?

Poz: What? No...it just...fell off. Look, I brought you this pie I made. Try some.

Ska: Alllllllright....thanks. Hmm, this pie is actually pretty good. Is this coconu- oh for chrissakes, are you running through the ocean in a seductive manner now?

Poz: ...No.

Ska: That doesn't even make sense. This is more awkward than the training montage from Rocky 3. Ok, lets move on and check our status, shall we?

Ska: Right now we're sitting at 60% and 199 backers. Who will be the 200th backer? If you happen to be the 200th backer, as a reward you get...

/pulls out card to read

//stares at card trembling slightly

Ska: It says you get...a date with...Emma Stone...

/scrambles furiously to find a computer, knocking over an elderly woman in the process

Ska: HA! I'M THE 200TH BACKER! I GET A DATE WITH EMMA STONE, BITCHES!

/door slams open

Ska: ...

/single tear of joy rolls down cheek

Ska: I uh, think that would be...me, Ms. Stone?

Ska: Your mouth says no, but your eyes say yes...

Ska: Ok, thats just a no.

Ska: I dont even know what to say to that.

Ska: Ok that's not even true. At all. None...none of that is true. I...I don't even know...where you might hear...something like...that. Let's just move on.

Ska: Look everybody, its actor Ryan Gosling!

Ska: You have got to be kidding me.

MAKE YOUR PLEDGE NOW!

JoeBots, JoeBots, anyone for JoeBots?

2013-05-23T00:52:59Z

I read this interesting article by David Jones.

Article

and a cut and paste option since I must have lots of words, words and more words for a Fanpost: http://blog.pennlive.com/davidjones/2013/05/penn_state_bill_obrien_joebots.html

Anyway, wondered what everyone thought of the term "JoeBots."

Just seems to me that Lubrano is going to be called a "JoeBot" sometime soon (if it has not already happened words words words words words). Wonder how that will go over with him and others? Words words words.

The post-Paterno era was always going to be ... interesting. Not sure what the equivalent term based on the time period, but wonder if there were BearBryant-Bots, etc.

I read this interesting article by David Jones.

Article

and a cut and paste option since I must have lots of words, words and more words for a Fanpost: http://blog.pennlive.com/davidjones/2013/05/penn_state_bill_obrien_joebots.html

Anyway, wondered what everyone thought of the term "JoeBots."

The post-Paterno era was always going to be ... interesting. Not sure what the equivalent term based on the time period, but wonder if there were BearBryant-Bots, etc.

ESPN just pissed me off again.

2013-05-22T15:33:40Z

ok, I didnt know if anybody else saw this but it pissed me off. I got on to the networks website this morning and what do I see? A headline stating that there are only 100 days until football season starts. Great! So I click it and start reading the countdown of 100 things to know about this football season. Then I get to number 41 and it goes like this "41. (A legendary career is born): Eddie Robinson began his coaching career at Grambling in 1941. He would coach a total of 55 seasons (all at Grambling) and earn 408 wins. He and St. John's (MN) coach John Gagliardi are the only coaches in college football history to earn 400-plus wins." Total B.S. No mention of "409" Paterno earned those wins. I get it they were vacated, but earned none the less. They could put an * or a side note of some type next to it at least. Just pissed me off. That is all

WE ARE! 2013 Kickstarter: We're Doing This Old School Telethon Style

2013-05-22T11:32:47Z

Ska: Hello everyone, and welcome to the first ever BSD Telethon. I'm skarocksoi and I'll be your host for the next several days as we try to raise money for the We Are! 2013 e-magazine Kickstarter. That's right, we're having a fundraiser for the fundraiser!

Ska: Now if you've been following along with how our progress has been going for the We Are! 2013 Kickstarter, you know that we're sitting at about 56% of our total goal of $10,250 with only 6 days left. Only six days folks! But knowing the BSD community, I think we can get that remaining 44% and reach our goal! All you need to do is click on this link here and pledge real American money to the cause.

Ska: And to help us raise money, we've brought in several celebrities to placate - I mean speak to you all to use their popularity to coerce you into donating money. They will be making guest appearances throughout the week, so keep watching for them! But first, lets let actor Patrick Stewart tell us a little about our campaign!

Ska: Ummm Patrick? Patrick?

Ska: Yes, wonderful Sir Patrick. Now if you could just tell all the viewers exactly what their pledge to the We Are! 2013 campaign will get them.

Sir Patrick Stewart: You'll get a rapping on the jaw if you don't mind your tongue, boy! Now, should the fine denzians of BSD choose to pledge their hard earned money, they will receive a number of gifts in return, like a copy of the We Are! 2013 e-magazine, tshirts, hoodies, and even an invitation to a special tailgate.

Ska: Well that sounds fantastic. Will you be at the tailgate Sir Patrick?

Sir Patrick Stewart: No.

Ska: Ok...Why dont we take this opportunity to go to the phones, where we have dozens of people ready to take your call, which seems silly as this is all done through the internet. But here's a caller now!

Joey: This caller says his name is M and he'd like to donate 1E-thousand dollars?

Ska: 1E-thousand? Are you sure you heard that right?

Joey: Yeah, he said he was 'M' and then the number 1E-K. And then he just called me a 'pedant' and a 'cultist'.

Ska: So its going to be one of those Telethons, huh? Alright then, well let move on to our next special guest who would like to say a few words on why you should fund this Kickstarter project. Here's Penn State Head Coach, Bill O'Brien! Glad to have you here coach.

BOB: Good to be here Ska, and let me just say right now, I think its really great what the editors and writers of BSD are doing right here. A Penn State Football Magazine is a great item to have to get ready for the coming football season and a valuable tool to help you understand and appreciate the team even more than you do now. Plus it makes a great gift!

Ska: That's right Coach! There's all sorts of great articles and interviews and previews and reviews and analysis that is going into this e-magazine. And all it takes to get one is 6 dollars. Only 6! On your salary, you could probably buy a couple thousand, right Bill?

BOB: ...

The BOBfather: Listen and listen to me good. I'm telling you fuckers right now that if you don't fund this magazine I will leave for the first NFL Head Coaching job I can get, do you understand me? I don't care if its the Cleveland Browns, or even worse, the Bills. I will go in a heartbeat. So pull your heads out of your asses and pledge some money. NOW.

/drops mic and walks away

Ska: Alright then, super. I'm sure he meant to say 'fighters' there. Haha. Right...now as usual with telethons, we like to do some crazy stuff to entertain you in the hopes that our own personal embarrassment will in some way motivate you to be charitable and give us money. Probably because you are sick and twisted bastards. So if we can reach 75% by Friday morning I will take a day this weekend and get completely hammered and live tweet/blog any movie on Netflix that you guys pick. Get it up to 85% and I'll do a whole movie marathon! So pledge today!!!!!!

Finally, I'd like to introduce to you our last special guest for today, Ms. Alison Brie! Now Ms. Brie, what can you say to all the readers out there to help convince them to pledge to this magazine.

Ska: Aaaaand that should do it. We'll see you all again soon!

MAKE A PLEDGE!!

Ska: Ummm Patrick? Patrick?

Ska: Yes, wonderful Sir Patrick. Now if you could just tell all the viewers exactly what their pledge to the We Are! 2013 campaign will get them.

Ska: Well that sounds fantastic. Will you be at the tailgate Sir Patrick?

Sir Patrick Stewart: No.

Joey: This caller says his name is M and he'd like to donate 1E-thousand dollars?

Ska: 1E-thousand? Are you sure you heard that right?

Joey: Yeah, he said he was 'M' and then the number 1E-K. And then he just called me a 'pedant' and a 'cultist'.

BOB: ...

/drops mic and walks away

Finally, I'd like to introduce to you our last special guest for today, Ms. Alison Brie! Now Ms. Brie, what can you say to all the readers out there to help convince them to pledge to this magazine.

Ska: Aaaaand that should do it. We'll see you all again soon!

MAKE A PLEDGE!!

I've Always Been Crazy, It's Kept Me From Goin' Insane

2013-05-22T01:34:50Z

Someone asked me to do more fun off-season stuff and someone else asked me to some kind of greatest wins post. Well, I'll get to the latter eventually, but for now, this.

What is the most ridiculous personal account you can think of that involves Penn State football? And, honestly, if you have a ridiculous account that doesn't involve Penn State football, just share it anyway.

Mine first!

This one time I was doing stuff in Buffalo with a bunch of college students. One of them was from the city of Syracuse, NY. He was a monstrous, horrific, abominable tool wrapped inside a coating of terror. Syracuse basketball was his life. He was so absurdly fond and proud of his beloved Orange that he once told a fellow central New Yorker and fellow Syracuse fan that he could not cheer for Syracuse athletics because he wasn't from the city of Syracuse. He found out that I loved Penn State and ripped me mercilessly. "Paterno raped children!" Yes, his ignorance was this great.

One day I was riding with this kid and several others out of Buffalo towards some town in the southern tier (Wellsville?). Well, he tried to debate me about the Civil War. Despite being an Italian-American from Syracuse, this young man sympathized quite strongly with the cause of the Southern Rebellion. In fact, he referred to the South as "we", which brought a hearty response from a neutral observer: "We? You're from Syracuse!"

He presented all the usual arguments for the justification of the Southrons and their wanton secession. "Secession is a constitutional right", "Lincoln attacked first", and other such historically bogus claptrap. After I had finished logically and calmly destroying this pathetic and vile Dixie devilry, the young man sulked much like one Syracuse fan with whom my Dad once worked (My Dad would give the guy a can of Crush soda and say, "Look, it's what happened to the Orange" after every PSU beatdown) used to do. He put on headphones and listened to music (Nickelback, I imagine) for a long time.

Still stewing over his defeat by someone who actually bothered to read history, he must have prayed and prayed for a chance at redemption. Suddenly God granted his prayer! Lo and behold, there is a very small hamlet in New York called Sandusky.

Ripping off his headphones, the young Syracusan cried, "Look, Rambler! Sandusky!"

And thus, my victory was ruined. Lincoln's unjust tyranny towards the South was made clear to me because there is a small hamlet in New York called Sandusky which means Joe Paterno raped young boys.

Points of the story? 1) Of all the teams he coached against, Joe hated Syracuse the most. Even after an eighteen-year break in the series, in 2008 Joe tried to run up the score against Syracuse just because he hated them still that much. He was justified. Syracuse is a horrible city with a college filled with New Jerseyites and whatever Jim Boeheim calls himself. 2) People actually think Joe Paterno was the rapist. 3) People actually think that the South was justified.

Frankly, I believe that the stories contained within the BSD proletariat are more ridiculous and more drunken than mine, but I like mine for it shows the depravity and beastly nature of humanity.

Someone asked me to do more fun off-season stuff and someone else asked me to some kind of greatest wins post. Well, I'll get to the latter eventually, but for now, this.

Mine first!

Ripping off his headphones, the young Syracusan cried, "Look, Rambler! Sandusky!"

And thus, my victory was ruined. Lincoln's unjust tyranny towards the South was made clear to me because there is a small hamlet in New York called Sandusky which means Joe Paterno raped young boys.

Frankly, I believe that the stories contained within the BSD proletariat are more ridiculous and more drunken than mine, but I like mine for it shows the depravity and beastly nature of humanity.

BSD Meme Tourney, Veterans Regional: It Ain’t Old, It’s Just Plain Classic

2013-05-21T15:18:59Z

special thanks to jtot for his guest post on this topic! --CG

Via some schmo whose content just got sold for a billion dollars

Hell yeah, I bit that tagline from XM’s Backspin. Content-stealing’s the way of the world these days, dontcha know. And there’s plenty of stellar biting and even more actual original community-generated content in the BSD Vets Region, where old memes come to get immortal. As a result of recent sanctions, this region was recently visited by the only capable branch of Mark Emmert's bizarre organization--the NCAA wrestling committee, and they actually provided some valuable contributions. As such, there were some last-minute inserts and a host of re-seedings, so here's a look at the updated bracket:

If you don't know how to get your embiggen on by now, you deserve all those spam emails. As our Aussie readers might say, let’s get amongst it!

#1 Almighty Zug vs. #16 Hate

Penn Staters love them some walk-ons, and every college football fan loves them some great player names. So when walk-on Junior WR Graham Zug started trotting onto the field for real game day snaps on a team loaded with seniors Deon Butler, Derrick Williams & Jordan Norwood, BSD’ers took action by deifying him and prostrating immediately. We worshiped at his faux alter and prayed to Zug for good things to happen to our football team and, for the most part, he blessed our entire program and community. His power seemed to culminate in December, 2008, when he took out American hero & BHGP icon J Leman in this epic blogwarzy battle. Dude even came down from the heavens to bless us years later in a podcast with AC & Junny.

Hate's been around a long time, even before breakdancing, so we're not sure we can even count it as biting, but BSD went through its CFB hate phase like every other proud fanbase. But not every community had an aspiring blogger like the artist formerly known as Cairo. Before launching JoePasDoghouse with a couple of his dawgs, J. Schnauzer broke onto the scene with this hilarious Eastern Illinois Hate Week post. BSD & Dave Chappelle took it from there.

#2 Old Man Euler vs #15 BSD Wentworth

Remember when Get Off My Lawn was an internet thing designed to mock someone acting old & grumpy? Well re-meet poor Ray Euler who sadly decided to finally give up his twelve (12!) season tickets when the implementation of the market-value STEP program allegedly forced him out. Old Man Euler never did disclose the location of his 12 seats or the price he had been paying for them, but his legend managed to live on in BSD infamy, so that's something.

AND IN THIS CORNER, his opponent is the modern-day Internet law firm, BSD Wentworth. It's common knowledge that lawyers are everywhere on the Internet. They have the most free time, least professional oversight, millions of clients to whom they can bill the hours spent making sure other people on the Internet learn that they're wrong, and they're often equipped with an entitlement complex regarding their own debate skills. Lawyers' lone redeeming quality is an unrelenting self-effacement and willingness to appreciate the absurd financial decisions they made in attending law school in the first place. So what happens when you throw that attitude into a mixing bowl with those resources? Why, the creation of a satirical Internet law firm, of course! I should probably expect a lawsuit for jacking this up, but not having the intern resources of BSD Wentworth, my amateur research efforts determined MainLion as perhaps the coiner of the firm's moniker, and the firm's employees, policies, advice & disclaimers evolved from there.

#3 Sack Up & Stab Me vs #14 Scarecrow/Traffic Cone

You all remember Devon Still, right? Goes about 6'5", 305, graduate of the Pennsylvania State University's Larry Johnson College of Defensive Lineman? First time I ever heard of Still was down on the field at the 2007 Blue White Game when my buddy asked: 'who's the big guy next to Levi Brown?' So, yeah: big, tough dude. Now let's take a look at the knife Chris Bell used to threaten him with:

via images1.opticsplanet.com

That's an author GIS rendition obviously, but the police report said that it was a '12-inch Good Cook straight blade cooking knife with an 8-inch blade and a black handle.' Bell (who's own nickname Stabby McShankerson just barely missed the tourney cut, if you will), you'll recall was accusing Still of having stolen Bell's cell phone case and said he felt he needed the knife for protection in addressing the accusation with Still. Turns out his intuition was right, for what did Devon Still say to Chris Bell upon seeing this weapon drawn with malice in the school cafeteria? In what may be the ballerest, gangterest thing I've ever read a Penn State football player to have uttered, Still looked at Bell & his knife and said: 'sack up and stab me.' Seriously, how is this only a #3-seed? I suppose you all can answer that in the polls.

That meme's opponent, if you even need to hear it (read it? see it?), was another classic:

We're still accepting attribution tips & links for that beauty. Its context can basically be described as Adrian Clayborn. In the 2009 game at Beaver Stadium he was assisted by tiny-armed Karl Klug & linemate Broderick Binns, but, um, yeah, that day was not Deontae Pannell's or any other PSU lineman's finest. That pic became the tramp stamp of Oline Fail from then on and served as the foundational rock for future MS Paint gems like this one.

#4 Rational Cat vs #13 Grottoes

Remember the wonderful void DC17 created at the quarterback position when he graduated following the 2009 season? The Spring of 2010 saw some heady PSUQB takes here at BSD. 5-star Paul Jones had enrolled early, Kevin Newsome hadn’t yet revealed his skill on the piano and Matt McGloin was sharpening that chip on his ginger shoulder. All three played in the Blue White Game that year, and RUTS provided the breakdown & his own hot takes. But scroll down to longtime BSD commenter Millzners' (whose screen name itself is a meld of PSU QB legends, I believe) suggestion, for this grand gem:

I'm going to contradict my self about the 2 QB system and say we may want to at least entertain the idea that Jones comes in and runs the opposite-wild-cat inside the 30. Call it the Rational Cat. That is, send the guy in there and throw that fade pass, or let him use his arm to move the ball a little…

Hence the birth of the Rational Cat, a meme that would live on in ...well, it was used a few times after that.

Question for all the bros out there: does your wife/gf/sigother/cat follow your 'work' on BSD? No? Why is that, do you think? Never mind, don't answer that. Maybe it would be different if you were the founder of a massive Penn State blog and the work you did there was actually something she might be proud of, but since you're not and it's not, you should take the cautionary tale of Mike's spousal experience as inspiration to keep it that way. PSUWifey, you see, was/is a fine blogger in her own right and she would often come through to weigh in with her own hot takes & participate in the burgeoning community her husband had fostered. Well one day she got, let's call it over-enthusiastic, and posted what she innocently felt at the time was a sweet picture of hubby & kids (it was, really). But it was also a prime target for jesty ridicule and BSD did not disappoint. Mike's jorts were attacked mercilessly. But the setting for the photo was also fodder, for the three lads were sitting in front of a landscaped water feature that later became known as the Grotto. It was beautiful & luxurious and served as quite the contrast to the notion that bloggers at the time had no money and worked out of their mom's basements.

#5 Ironic Michigan Men vs #12 FireJayPa

12s and 5s historically have heated battles, a high upset ratio and they're often referred to as the Battle of Douches. Wait. That's not a thing? Well, we'll let you all put it to the test in this high-stakes Tourney of Infamy. This bracket is actually about more fun with 2010 quarterbacks! As Penn State was coming down from back-to-back 11-2 Darryl Clark seasons & sifting through its 5-star & Matt McGloin options, Michigan fans & Rich Rodriguez were debating who was best suited to help them advance out of the Nick Sheridan & Steven Threet regimes: young, well-regarded freshman Denard Robinson or the legendary third Forcier brother, Tate. So in July when BSD Mike included reference to the ‘irony of a Michigan blogger calling the Penn State quarterback situation a ‘disaster,’’ in this post, BSD received a lovely visit from mgo’s Tim Sullivan who stopped in to posit: ‘I think you don’t have a firm grasp on what the term "irony" means.’ The community responded in fine form and gave it all a proper mocking, including a fun reverse-caption contest and my favorite contribution from perhaps my most favorite BSD commenters ever, Semanticron.

FireJayPa's actual name is out there and not hard to find, but we've withheld it here to protect the guilty. He was one of BSD's earliest internal trolls and went so far as to not only register the domain name firejaypa.com, but to provide content to it and to keep it live to this day! His first post, at least in the SBN version of BSD, was an anti-nepotism take that cited poor Jerry Sandusky as victim, if you can believe that. Bill Simmons once referred to him as a skilled and subtle troll in his Levels of Trolling post on Grantland.com (longform, natch). Me, I still picture the real JayPa as a man not only skilled in the arts, but also a man who would straight Fredo the sumbitch were they to 'accidentally' meet during a frosty, mist-filled dog-walk in the shadows of Mount Nittany. In any event, FireJayPa's early efforts were the embodiment of an insidious Penn State culture long-versed in eating one's own and his screen name inspired the meme: 'I blame JayPa,' which may or may not have been supported by on-field evidence provided by quarterbacks who may or may not have previously donned the coveted #14.

#6 Everyone does, kills people vs #11 Screw Damons!

Let's be honest, before Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative crime reporter Sara Ganim received her directives from...oh hell no, we're not poking that hornet's nest during this relative time of PSU Peace. Let's just say that prior to the Sandusky fallout (nuclear), Ohio State provided all the content any fun-poker would ever need to write content on the Internet. And yet, into brutus's long culture of hypocritical (Jim Tressel), atrocious (Dan 'Big Daddy' Wilkinson), benign (Troy Smith, Heisman Trophy Winner) and hilarious (Antonio Pittman) wades the single phattest target any opponent fanbase could ever hope for. Terrelle Pryor and Penn State maintained all proper formalities, of course. Tom Bradley stayed in touch with him post-brutus commitment (texting yo) and TP's own denigrations of PSU were pretty mild really ('too country,' which also barely missed this tourney's cut). But after Joe Paterno met with Pryor and his...what would you call that car dealer he brought with him to meet Joe? Representative? We all knew the faux recruiting battle was fait de accompli: Terrelle Pryor was destined for Columbus. His gift kept giving of course, and when Michael Vick emerged from his 18-month jail sentence to sign with the Eagles, TP wanted to show his 'support.' So, presumably with a team of advisers who also sell & loan cars, he etched Vick's name onto his eye black and took buffoonery to all kinds of next levels in the post-game (Navy) presser when he offered this quote to explain his choices:

Not everybody's the perfect person in the world. I mean everyone kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever. I think that people need a second chance, and I've always looked up to Mike Vick, and I always will.

BSD gave it proper treatment. So much so that when Cardale Jones opined a few years later that 'we ain't come to play school,' it was downright blase.

Facing off against TP's most famous TPism is another anti-Ohio State meme (the faster their stank exits this tourney the better), Screw Damons! Like we have been on so many different topics, we were educated on this franchise's home base and food quality by BSD's one and only Jesse Dot. Among his many valuable contributions through the years, we can gratefully thank Sir Dot for opening our previously blind Penn State eyes to the insidiousness of Damons. It looks like the preacher first indoctrinated us in this thread when he taught us that ‘Damons was founded in Columbus, Ohio (note their colors). Ohio State had/has a deal that they only stay at Hampton Inns. Where is the Damons in State College? In the parking lot of the Hampton Inn. Never, ever, go to Damons.’ And he was not shy about spreading that gospel when a few minions picked up on it:

Damons is a front for the Ohio State Cabal…they are out get us all, and covert us into a bunch Woody Hayes worshiping freaks. And they’re doing it all with boiled ribs and mediocre bar-b-que sauce. I find the crappy BBQ almost as offensive as the Ohio State thing.

There is no third-party Ohio State Sucks option, so choose wisely here, padawan.

**#7 Thunderco*k vs #10 Rick Neuheisel at the Corner Room**

Say PSU 2010 quarterback battle again mother*(^@#$@! This one's easy. JoePa chose Robert Bolden to start that year. As a true freshman. First since Shorty Miller. Against Alabama. IN Tuscaloosa. BurrowesBldg put up a post soliciting suggestions for a nickname worthy of such an endeavor and long-time BSD Vet, SweepTheLeg, swept in with this succinct & strikingly bold offering. Pentimental offered a glorious photoshop, but we all knew, in our hearts, and perhaps also our pants, who had won that particular label contest.

Thunderco*k's (it's fun to type, even with the asterisk) opponent is Rick Neuheisel. At the Corner Room. Twas many years the only sport second to deer-hunting in Pennsylvania was guessing Joe Paterno's eventual successor and I'll personally by a single beer (or 12) and a girly shot that mixes UW's & UCLA's colors for commenters who can provide this meme's origin. But you get the gist. Apparently Rick was seen at the Corner Room, meeting with...I suppose Ira Lubert (who appeared yesterday at Corbett v NCAA hearsings with Lubrano, allegedly, heard it on the internet, must be true).

# 8 Suck it Dog vs #9 Bama's Backups

The Suck it Dog is jesse dot's neighbor's dog, who first appeared at BSD in June, 2009. There was a round of home brewing threads around that time, and jesse. thought it was high time to create one for barbecue and did so in this delicious post. It's unclear if the caption placements were accidental or if it was an intentional sick burn, but the words Suck it Joe from Boalsburg appeared next to this photo:

Later that summer, it was revealed that Joe From Boalsburg is jesse dot's father in real life and the whole affair took on a family air when jessedotsmom (and Joe From Boalsburg's wife) began providing her own yummy food posts in her Snacks on Snacks series. As for the dog, well he became famous and his appearances soon became the equivalent of actually typing out the words 'suck it.' He even got his own twitter account, although he hasn't tweeted much lately (ahem!).

With the honor of battling the Suck it Dog are our once-friends from Alabama. If you're interested in full etymology, you could probably trace this meme's origin back to the middle of the aughts and blame its evolution on Joe Paterno (warning, making with the linky will take you to the Frosted Tips Idea Machine, two other memes that barely missed this region's cut):

"I was involved with it," Joe Paterno said of the switch. "The athletic director, Mal Moore, called, and they had just lost 15 or 16 players in some kind of academic -- not academic, but some kind of NCAA violation. And he said, 'You know, our program's down. Can we postpone the series for a couple years so we can get our feet back where we think we should be?' And I said, 'Well, it's OK with me.'"

That rescheduling of the PSU - Alabama home & home series gave the Tide time to get out of the the NCAA doghouse, Nick Saban time to lie & fail as head of the Miami Dolphins, and Penn State time to continue being good but not elite. Such that by the time the 2010 game came along, Alabama was sitting on a juggernaut and JoePa was bringing a true freshman QB to start in Tuscaloosa. The timing also corresponded with the growth of SBN's wildly popular blog Roll Bama Roll and, at that time, both the BSD & RBR communities seemed interested in getting together to explore socializing & reminiscing about the two programs' long histories together. As luck would have it (depending on perspective, you see), Alabama's returning Heisman-winning running back, Mark Ingram, was injured and would not play against PSU in that game. But Nick Saban had already navigated Bama through three totally clean & reputable recruiting seasons, and their roster was stocked. It didn't take long for bammer visitors to trumpet that talent during pre-game smack talk and out of that early enthusiasm for the Trent Richardsons of Alabama's bench rose this meme that their backups would be starters on mere mortal teams.

So who you got? Weigh in on the polls or in the comments. But please be reminded that Herr Scaff may at any time ignore, disregard or eradicate from the annals of history any efforts you put forth in so doing, so don't hurt yourselves please. And in the true Spirit of Oldhead, I'll leave you with some memory lane words from one of my favorite rappers, the inimitable Rakim:

When you was playin Pac Man, it was the jams I packed
Peeps would swarm when I was perform-in, black I'm all that
Back before they turned hip-hop to rap
It was always a place to party at, remember that?

special thanks to jtot for his guest post on this topic! --CG

Via some schmo whose content just got sold for a billion dollars

If you don't know how to get your embiggen on by now, you deserve all those spam emails. As our Aussie readers might say, let’s get amongst it!

#1 Almighty Zug vs. #16 Hate

#2 Old Man Euler vs #15 BSD Wentworth

#3 Sack Up & Stab Me vs #14 Scarecrow/Traffic Cone

via images1.opticsplanet.com

That meme's opponent, if you even need to hear it (read it? see it?), was another classic:

#4 Rational Cat vs #13 Grottoes

I'm going to contradict my self about the 2 QB system and say we may want to at least entertain the idea that Jones comes in and runs the opposite-wild-cat inside the 30. Call it the Rational Cat. That is, send the guy in there and throw that fade pass, or let him use his arm to move the ball a little…

Hence the birth of the Rational Cat, a meme that would live on in ...well, it was used a few times after that.

#5 Ironic Michigan Men vs #12 FireJayPa

#6 Everyone does, kills people vs #11 Screw Damons!

Not everybody's the perfect person in the world. I mean everyone kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me, whatever. I think that people need a second chance, and I've always looked up to Mike Vick, and I always will.

BSD gave it proper treatment. So much so that when Cardale Jones opined a few years later that 'we ain't come to play school,' it was downright blase.

Damons is a front for the Ohio State Cabal…they are out get us all, and covert us into a bunch Woody Hayes worshiping freaks. And they’re doing it all with boiled ribs and mediocre bar-b-que sauce. I find the crappy BBQ almost as offensive as the Ohio State thing.

There is no third-party Ohio State Sucks option, so choose wisely here, padawan.

**#7 Thunderco*k vs #10 Rick Neuheisel at the Corner Room**

# 8 Suck it Dog vs #9 Bama's Backups

"I was involved with it," Joe Paterno said of the switch. "The athletic director, Mal Moore, called, and they had just lost 15 or 16 players in some kind of academic -- not academic, but some kind of NCAA violation. And he said, 'You know, our program's down. Can we postpone the series for a couple years so we can get our feet back where we think we should be?' And I said, 'Well, it's OK with me.'"

When you was playin Pac Man, it was the jams I packed
Peeps would swarm when I was perform-in, black I'm all that
Back before they turned hip-hop to rap
It was always a place to party at, remember that?

SBN & BallotBox don't seem to playing as well with each other as they did last week, pre-system-wide issues, so if the editors are unable to work any editorial magic to make the embed code below work, here's the link to a working voting mechanism on BallotBox's site.

Veterans Region

#1 Almighty Zug vs. #16 Hate

#1 Almighty Zug
#16 Hate

#2 Old Man Euler vs #15 BSD Wentworth

#2 Old Man Euler
#15 BSD Wentworth

#3 Sack Up & Stab Me vs #14 Scarecrow/Traffic Cone

#3 Sack Up & Stab Me
#14 Scarecrow/Traffic Cone

#4 Rational Cat vs #13 Grottoes

#4 Rational Cat
#13 Grottoes

#5 Ironic Michigan Men vs #12 FireJayPa

#5 Ironic Michigan Men
#12 FireJayPa

#6 Everyone does, kills people vs #11 Screw Damons!

#6 Everyone does, kills people
#11 Screw Damons!

#7 Thunderco*k vs #10 Rick Neuheisel at the Corner Room

#7 Thunderco*k
#10 Rick Neuheisel at the Corner Room

# 8 Suck it Dog vs #9 Bama's Backups

# 8 Suck it Dog
#9 Bama's Backups

View Results

The future of QB14?

2013-05-20T23:24:08Z

http://www.pennlive.com/pennstatefootball/index.ssf/2013/05/christian_hackenberg_will_wear.html

With Hackenberg deciding to wear 14, can we still use "QB14" to describe QB14? We need to talk about this, you guys, it's almost as serious as Nits.

Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count Word count

http://www.pennlive.com/pennstatefootball/index.ssf/2013/05/christian_hackenberg_will_wear.html

With Hackenberg deciding to wear 14, can we still use "QB14" to describe QB14? We need to talk about this, you guys, it's almost as serious as Nits.

Dudes. Seriously.

2013-05-20T16:14:10Z

What is going on here? Do you see the number in the middle? It should be 10,250. Instead, it's 5,768. Do you see the number on the right? That's 6. It used to say 36. There's no reason this should even be close. Do your job and get that middle number to 10,250 and the left number to 100. Pronto. Now. Tout de suite. Jetzt. Immediately. Yesterday. I want to pay this bunch of fighters for their writing, and I can't do it without you guys shuffling through your Bitcoins and digging under your stained mattresses.

If I Could Turn Back Time! If I Could Find a Way!

2013-05-20T15:35:09Z

Yes, I did just make a Cher reference in the title of this fanpost. But it's ok because it applies to Penn State football!

It's the off-season, so something came to my brain: If I could turn back time and find a way to change the result of four (and only four) Penn State football defeats, which would I choose?

Now, Penn State is not one of those program's mediocre enough historically that changing the result of a game here or there would have drastically altered the course of the team's destiny over many seasons. Nonetheless, there are some games which fill me with deep disdain upon reflection.

First: 1989 vs. Alabama (Alabama 17, PSU 16)

Do you know why you should hate Alabama? It's not just because of the cheating and the annoying amount of games they win or their claim to seventy-five national championships. It's also because of how many of their great moments involve painful Penn State losses. Seriously, it's uncanny. They don't seem to have any great dislike for us, and yet, as legendary BSD poster jesse. put it, if you go into an Alabama football museum it's impossible to not find a picture or a video highlight of Penn State losing to Alabama in an awful manner.

Look at the above picture! Alabama has paintings of them punching us in the stomach! What next, mosaics? Ugh, screw you, Alabama.

Anyway, as for the game itself, coming in, Alabama was undefeated and ranked #6th. Penn State had started the season by flopping against Virginia, but won five straight before this game. State was trailing by a point with a couple of minutes left when BLAIR FREAKING THOMAS took over and went to get Joe the game-winning field goal. The Lions had to drive from their own 30 against a (of course) stout Bama defense. And Blair did it almost by himself. Something like one or two of the plays on this long drive weren't Blair Thomas runs. With a 2nd down and 4 at the Bama 5, Thomas almost - ALMOST - made it in for a touchdown but his knee came down a bit short. Joe had to call the last timeout, meaning Ray Taurasi had to try the chip shot kick on 3rd down with 13 seconds left.

And then Alabama blocked the kick. Because they're mean. They finished the year by losing to Auburn in the Iron Bowl and getting blown up by Miami in the Sugar Bowl with an outside shot at the national title on the line.

Basically, this game wouldn't have changed a whole lot for Penn State. And it certainly wasn't as big a deal as the goal line stand of 1979. But personally, I would rather have this game because 1979 made 1983 even sweeter. And, man, losing on a blocked field goal from the one-foot line is just BS. This game isn't that important, maybe, but it annoys me anyway. It's kind of like a horse fly.

Second: 2005 Michigan (Michigan 27, Penn State 25)

Don't even talk to me.

Third: 2011 Nebraska (Nebraska 17, Penn State 14)

First of all, losing on senior day is bad enough. Losing to Bo Pelini on senior day is simply a problem. It's a very serious problem.

Second of all, Penn State was better than Nebraska.

Third of all, this would have made the Wisconsin game irrelevant. We would have beaten Michigan State, most likely, and we would have gone to the Rose Bowl.

Fourth of all, Taylor Martinez is lame.

My ironclad reasoning hates Nebraska.

Fourth: 2009 Rose Bowl (USC 38, Penn State 24)

I wanted this game so bad. Like a lot of losses, there were so many little things that, if changed, would have made enough of a difference for a victory. If Royster wasn't hurt, if the officials hadn't called some ticky tack penalty on a big Green run, if the safeties didn't suck so hard, if Maybin hadn't been offsides on the forced fumble in the 1st, so forth.

Looking back, I'd rather have this game than Iowa that same season. Really. Everyone on this blog who knew me during the 2009 Iowa run knows why.

Notable exceptions (three among many others):

1999 Minnesota. Because I'm utterly convinced this team would have lost to Michigan the next week anyway. And also, there's a theory that this game was instrumental in spawning the Dark Years, but what spawned the Dark Years was bad recruiting and lazy coaching, no more, no less. I don't think even a national title would have dulled things too much.

1979 Sugar Bowl. If I had been alive then, I'd probably feel differently.

1977 Kentucky. A game that is seldom mentioned. Penn State was maybe even better in '77 than in '78, but an early loss to UK was their only blemish.

Yes, I did just make a Cher reference in the title of this fanpost. But it's ok because it applies to Penn State football!

It's the off-season, so something came to my brain: If I could turn back time and find a way to change the result of four (and only four) Penn State football defeats, which would I choose?

First: 1989 vs. Alabama (Alabama 17, PSU 16)

Look at the above picture! Alabama has paintings of them punching us in the stomach! What next, mosaics? Ugh, screw you, Alabama.

Second: 2005 Michigan (Michigan 27, Penn State 25)

Don't even talk to me.

Third: 2011 Nebraska (Nebraska 17, Penn State 14)

First of all, losing on senior day is bad enough. Losing to Bo Pelini on senior day is simply a problem. It's a very serious problem.

Second of all, Penn State was better than Nebraska.

Third of all, this would have made the Wisconsin game irrelevant. We would have beaten Michigan State, most likely, and we would have gone to the Rose Bowl.

Fourth of all, Taylor Martinez is lame.

My ironclad reasoning hates Nebraska.

Fourth: 2009 Rose Bowl (USC 38, Penn State 24)

Looking back, I'd rather have this game than Iowa that same season. Really. Everyone on this blog who knew me during the 2009 Iowa run knows why.

Notable exceptions (three among many others):

1979 Sugar Bowl. If I had been alive then, I'd probably feel differently.

1977 Kentucky. A game that is seldom mentioned. Penn State was maybe even better in '77 than in '78, but an early loss to UK was their only blemish.

Not a clip, but a magazine.

2013-05-19T18:13:30Z

Middle of a firefight, a young troop yells, "I'm low on ammo; somebody throw me a clip for my M16!" A senior sergeant yells back, "M16's use magazines, not clips." An M1 rifle used a clip of eight rounds; an M16/M4 uses 20 or 30 round magazines.

The point is obvious: What BSD staffers have offered -- twice -- is a magazine, not a clip. Yeah, it's great to come here and get new articles and insights every few days, but for truly hardcore Nittany Lion football addicts, the magazine is something to look forward to.

Or maybe not. A week left in the fundraising effort, and only 56% of the way to the target. The revised target, may I remind you, since the funding for the paper mag was not achieved. Like good tacticians, the BSD team dropped back to its second line of defense, and decided to offer an e-mag. Not as good for us old geezers who still like the tactile feel of paper, but far better than nothing at all.

But, apparently not enough feel the same way, as it appears the e-mag will suffer the same ignominious death as the proposed paper mag. Maybe the lack of funding is due to an anti-cult backlash. After all, publishing a magazine devoted exclusively to Penn State football speaks of a culture problem, doesn't it? (We will conveniently ignore that fans of other teams have published similar periodicals -- no culture issues there!)

I've been accused of trying to impose my will on BSD; in this particular case, I plead "Guilty" and throw myself on the mercy of the court of public opinion. I want a magazine that delves into my beloved Lions -- I'll glad carry the stigma of cultist in order to get it. How about the rest of you?

What Do Football Players Do When They Have to Take A Crap?

2013-05-19T03:28:52Z

So, like most of us, I've lovingly watched football for all of my life but never played it.

Let's cut right to the chase. Think about it. You're a football player for Big Time Program State in a rivalry game against Big Time Program U. Presuming that you don't have time during the half to take a crap, how do you take a crap? You can't take a crap during the game when you're playing. And I guess maybe you could use the toilet when you're not on the field, but wouldn't that be embarrassing? I mean, your coach would probably be mad too.

So I simply don't understand how we football fans have never questioned this most unrefined and sad part of our favorite sport. Baseball has time for poop time because no one cares about baseball. Soccer doesn't need it because they're tiny, malnourished people from uncivilized foreign countries and so they don't eat enough to have bowel movements. Hockey players are Canadian and Finnish. NASCAR is crap. Basketball players, well, I mean, maybe they have the same problem.

Plus all of that padding and stuff. It must be awkward to take it all off if only to take a crap.

And what about urinating? Perhaps not as serious a problem, but still a problem.

Don't tell me you've never thought of this very important question.

So, like most of us, I've lovingly watched football for all of my life but never played it.

Plus all of that padding and stuff. It must be awkward to take it all off if only to take a crap.

And what about urinating? Perhaps not as serious a problem, but still a problem.

Don't tell me you've never thought of this very important question.

OT: Wedding Music, making the list

2013-05-15T19:28:45Z

In a few weeks a buddy of mine is getting married. As part of the planning process, don't worry I am working on the bachelor party, watch out Philly!!!, that his DJ set up a website to add songs to the list to play for the wedding. Well I joked with him that I was going to fill it up with all random stuff to play. I originally said that as a joke, but he keeps pushing me to do it, so I reach out to all you crazy people. I need and want any and every song you could think of to put on this list. I want the most random, strangest, awesome songs you could possible think of. I already have the best of ABBA CD down on the list, so no need to put that in there. I am hoping to put as much in there as possible, since he is going to look over the list before the wedding to delete stuff, so that he will miss something crazy that will play at the reception. I can only do so much, hence this little random off topic post. Have fun.

Nits: A Rebuttal

2013-05-12T09:30:52Z

You've read our scholarly Rambler's plea for ant-nits. I propose a proper, fully drunj plea, in a slight tangent plea for something else. What might that be? I don't know, and if I hadn't writtin this down, I'm sure I wouldn't remember tomorrow.

Here's what I have to sya. First, let me establish my bonofides. The wonderous fields of south centreal Pennsylvaia reared me, as it did the Rambler. I, too, have seen apple orchards. I, too, have walked on dirt race tracks. And, though I do personallyu find the term "nits" offensive, what whoudl whyou ydo is you had a shotgun? Hyh? Then what?! Exactly, everybody dies.

Do you want to die over a word liek nits? Because Vecellio is a straight nurmerer. He will kill folds. Dead. Sure, he lives in Texas right now. But don't thin tha he won't come up to south central penaltyvaina and shoot bepopel ofver nits. He's shown his passion. IS that worth getting your face eating off? Dan eats faces. I've seen it. Is gruesome.

Point #2

Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. Now these guys got it right. They spawned all the other bullshit that's out there. zIt's been good for a long time, and it's consisentent, and as its label tells us, it provides the pureest ingrediants, which, I'm fully sure, provide healthy benefits. Why would anyone hate Sierrea Nevada Pale Ale? Ask yourself that question first, before you pile on to the nits debate.

Point #3

Joe Hooker was a whore, same as Ann Arbor. He wastn' going to win if blah blah blah concussion. He was a braggart. He professed faith in his plans, as you cite, but actually doubted his palns. Because he had a shitty haircut. And his wife was ugly, and, of course, he was a documented pussy, as I previously pointed out.

Point #4

I'm not sure what i was going to write here, but consider it awesome.

Point #5

I'd like, for a moment, to discuss the departure of Guido, and what we could ask the PSU music people to do. Specifically, I'd like to talk about a radical suggestion I have. That suggestion is as follows: 1) dump everyone from the Blud Band that reads a treble clef. Wipe them out. Well, I mean woodwinds, specificallyl. I hate woodwinds. 2) Double the sixe of the bass clef readers. Trombones will be out lilting, flowerly lead. wait - do bari saxes read treble? I think they do. Bari saxes are coll enough to stick. Keep a couple of those. But we're going to quadruple the tri-toms and the the percussion in general. Beacuse we're getting syncopated. Percussion/bass syncopated.

Syncopation, all on a drum/bass line. We don't needd the ragtime alto bullshit; the pianist right hand trash. We're going tribal. You fans loved it with Seven Nation Army. USC has done it so well for ages with their fight song. And this Smashing Pumpkins video reinforces the power of a floor tom on the down beat, screwing up your anticipated accent, and making people move because of it. Bare, raw, tribal. Or as my Puerto Rican friend Cajones called them, Thee Smatching Punkin. Violence we seek. 8 bars or so that we mindless mroons can repeat. That's a damn site better than Sweet Caroline, who was a disgusting street woman from Boston.

Now, I could do without BIlly Corgan's vocals. I mean, let's get serious here. But hitting the bass-like tom on the ass-end eighth of a beat, plus the bass guitar's quarter/eighth hesitation at the start which puts it off thru the rest of the measure to make me really happy? Well that's just good business.

And all of those reasons are why you should be ant-nits, too. Rambler's right about south central PA. it IS the 717. It DOES have the Milky Way Diner, the Northside Pool. And all of those things are worth fighting for. It's why we're Americans, dammit. Fight for them.