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Miami Hurricanes Turning a New Leaf

Miami head coach Randy Shannon wants to clean up the image of the Hurricanes and he means business. He has informed his players there is a zero tolerance policy when it comes to owning firearms.

"You get caught with a firearm, you're dismissed from the football team," UM's coach said Monday.

"They're gone. They know the rules. It's not hard rules. It's to protect them."

Asked about his players' constitutional right to own firearms, Shannon said: "I'm thinking about the University of Miami and the kids. When you have a firearm, there's a 50-50 chance that you're going to get hurt. So I said, 'Let's not put ourselves in those situations.'

"Make it a 100 percent chance that you're not going to hurt nobody and that nobody is going to get hurt."

"It's not hard rules." "You're not going to hurt nobody." There's a nice plug for the Miami english department.

In related news, Joe Paterno has instituted a zero tolerance policy on bows and arrows, unless you're wearing your orange vest and pointing them at a deer or turkey.