Dear Casual Penn State Football Fan,
You know who you are. You go to all the games. I've seen you. You're the guy giving me dirty looks through the windshield of your BMW when I step in front of you on Porter Road. I'm making my six mile walk to the stadium and you're just coming up the hill to your reserved parking space. You'll park and go through your VIP gate right up to your club seat where you will eat cheese and sip wine or whatever you do while I'm sitting on a cold aluminum bench still wet from the rain the night before eating soggy hot dogs and drinking watered down Pepsi.
Where they hell have you been? The last time we saw you you were getting on a plane to Tampa, FL. You never came back after that to read about the Outback Bowl. You missed a lot of fun during the offseason. We had a pretty good recruiting class. Not that you care or anything. You can't be bothered with knowing such trival things like who the starting left guard is. As long as you know the numbers of the running back and quarterback you're fine. I'm sure you can find their jerseys for sale at the Student Bookstore.
There was a little brew-ha-ha while you were away. Anthony Scirrotto (pssst...he's #7) got in a little trouble and dragged his teammates in with him. You probably saw a blurb about it while you were sifting through the sports page this summer looking for a coupon for $25 off new tires. It's all good now though and the defense should be fine. Not that you care or anything. We all know you like to check the score of the Notre Dame game on the flatscreen in your club box when the defense takes the field.
So what brings you around now? You must have gotten your season tickets in the mail a few weeks ago. You probably heard a co-worker mention something about us being pretty good this year. It's true. We're starting out the season ranked #13 in the Blogpoll. What the hell is a blogpoll you ask? Dude, if you don't know you better ax somebody.
But fear not, casual Penn State football fan. Come back here and we'll get you up to speed. We've got nine days until the season starts. So starting later today we'll break down each unit of the offense and defense and hand out preseason report cards. After reading through these you'll know every starter and most of the backups. And you'll know what to look for and what to hope for as the season unfolds.
So welcome back. It's good to see you again. Enjoy the season.
Sincerely,
Mike from Black Shoe Diaries