Top Ten Reasons Why Michigan Sucks


Being an active member of the BSD community, some of you may know some things about me (I’m fond of old dogs; my wife’s an Iowa alum; I think Calder Way’s all that), but you probably don’t know something else.  Before I earned my BA from dear old state, I went to the University of Michigan for the first semester of my freshman year in college.



When people ask me why I transferred, I usually say that it was an economic decision. I realized that the education I’d get at either place was pretty similar, but Penn State was much cheaper.  To be honest, though, it was as much a social decision as an economic one.  Michigan students are tools.

So, I thought I’d share what are, according to me, the Top Ten Reasons Why Michigan Sucks

10.  Michigan students don’t just wear shirts that say “Harvard, the Michigan of the East.” They actually believe that the saying’s true.

9. At first, dorms that are co-ed by room seems like a good idea, until you realize that it only works because none of the girls are attractive enough to fool around with.

8.  Even though they host the Hash Bash, the quality of Ann Arbor’s weed is a b minus.

7. Referring to yellow as “maize” doesn’t make it suck any less.

6. If half of the bars are too expensive for college students, it’s not really a college town.

5. Having the (previously) biggest stadium in the country is only valuable if the crowd can get louder than a robust golf clap.

4. No one cares that the state of Michigan looks like a human hand.

3. Obviously, Rich Rod is no Joe Paterno.  The sad thing is, he’s not close to Bo Schembechler either.

2. What’s more obnoxious than the lyrics to The Victors? The people singing them.

1. The vast majority of the world’s wolverines live in Canada.


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