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The Hate Manual: Alabama Crimson Tide


Hey, it worked last week.  Your turn, Alabama.

Who are these douchebags?

Old enemies turned old friends turned old enemies, now led by a maniacal, backstabbing pissypants who thinks your tears and blood taste delicious.  The Crimson Tide are 9-0, and their ascent in the polls has pretty much mirrored that of your Nitty Kitties:


Those are the coaches' poll rankings heading into last weekend's games -- you know where things stand now.  Basically, the reason Alabama nudged in front of Penn State is because 'Bama pounded on a highly overrated Clemson team, which was ranked #9 to start the season.  This is why polls shouldn't be published until mid-October.

My friends, that's some hate you can believe in.




If they stay undefeated, can Penn State catch them in the rankings?

Doubtful, and that may be charitable.  The margin in the coaches' poll was smaller last week.  With Texas Tech siphoning off votes from PSU, Penn State has fallen behind even further.  Last week, Brad Edwards at said that the chance of undefeated PSU catching undefeated 'Bama in the BCS was nil:

Any questions about whether Penn State has a chance to jump over Alabama should be answered by this week's BCS standings. Even after the impressive road win over Ohio State, PSU is still trailing the Tide in both polls and five of the six computers. And Alabama has a couple of highly ranked opponents left on its schedule (assuming an SEC championship game), while Penn State has none.

So we're going to need a little help.

Okay, is that even possible?

Totally.  Alabama has a few tricky games left, including the SEC Championship Game against either Georgia or Florida:

@ LSU    Saturday 11/08

Mississippi State    Saturday 11/15

Auburn     Saturday 11/29

SEC Championship    Saturday  12/6

Despite LSU's multiple problems, a trip to Death Valley is never easy.  Mississippi State is relatively intriguing in the sense that they seem to pull off a weird upset every year, but don't hold your breath.  Remember Minnesota at Penn State in 1999?  The Bulldogs winning at Alabama would be a much more ridiculous upset.  Like, orders of magnitude ridiculous.

Auburn?  Until last week's loss at surging West Virginia, they'd lost three other close games.  Oh, and they've won a game 3-2, which Chris Dufresne would have loved.  Still, it's the Iron Bowl, and Auburn will have a puncher's chance with the "save our season with this game" motivational tactic.  But let's not kid ourselves too much, Auburn truly sucks.  Basically, our hopes come down to LSU on Saturday or Florida in the SEC Championship.



How does Penn State match up with them?

As flagged by PSU_99 in this Fanpost, Las Vegas Sports Consultants projected Penn State as a 2 1/2 point favorite against the Crimson Tide.  Alabama's not going to scare you throwing the ball with John Parker Wilson at quarterback (despite his serial killerish name and dopey southern frat boy haircut). 

The most popular statistic about Alabama is that they've only trailed for one minute and fifteen seconds all season long, which is convenient as they're not exactly built for playing from behind.  In Alabama's first eight games, Wilson had thrown exactly 16 passes in the fourth quarters of those contests.  He threw six in the fourth quarter against Arkansas State on Saturday.  Weird.  Still, they have three excellent running backs and a great defense.

Obviously, Alabama is a very good team, but they shouldn't frighten you too much.  They're mudders.  They win.  Best performance to date was at Georgia, and let's face it, Georgia ain't lookin' so hot these days.  For comparison purposes, is Georgia really better than Ohio State?  Maybe.  Who knows. 

Seriously, the chance that Alabama will lose?

Decent.  Given what they did at Georgia earlier in the season, Alabama will be a mild favorite to win at LSU.  Figure it to be in the three-point range.  The SEC Championship matchup against Florida is clearly our best hope.