(Thanks to Rambler for stealing my thunder.)
Hey there, casual Penn State fan. Where have you been? The last time we saw you you were turning off the Rose Bowl at halftime. You know, we didn't do too bad there in the second half. You should have stuck around.
Anyway, here we are the day before the Akron game and you're coming around here to see what kind of team we're going to have this year. Did you really think we were going to sum up the entire team outlook in one post for you? That ship sailed, buddy. You should have been here back in the dog days of summer. We don't wrap up your team position profiles in a nice package for you around here. If you want to hang with BSD, you need to come to class with your homework complete. We just tell you what changes from day to day.
But we'll try to help you out a little bit. We don't want you to feel stupid when you lean over to the guy sitting next to you and say you thought Sean Lee graduated. You see, he just redshirted last year while he rehabbed his knee. He's back now for his senior year.
And that's not LaVar Arrington trying to make a comeback by going back to school for his fourth year of eligibility. That's Navorro Bowman. He's just wearing No. 11 now.
And please, don't start yelling "Go D-Will!" on the opening kickoff. That's not Derrick Williams wearing No. 2. That's Chaz Powell. Don't be a doofus. I can't believe I'm helping you like this.
Now there are some things you should probably know. For one, you're not allowed to bring glass bottles to the tailgate party anymore. So unless you can find that Zima in a can, better leave it home. Oh, but what am I thinking? That glass bottle ban doesn't apply to you, because you pay the big bucks to park that BMW on the blacktop away from the riff-raff like us. So you're good there.
I'm sure you have looked up and down the schedule and you're just as disappointed as we are. Eight games is too much, and especially when it's filled with the likes of Akron, Temple, Syracuse, Eastern Illinois, and Indiana. There's no way you'll make it to that many games. So when you're looking to sell your Iowa tickets to go to a wedding of a daughter of one of your high school friends you haven't seen in 20 years, I think we can find someone willing to take those off your hands for you.
Anyway, I hope this helps.
Sincerely,
Your Friends at BSD