Penn State Football

Week Six National Preview: The Many Faces Of Tom Haverford

By Peter Gray Updated Oct 6, 2011, 8:02am EDT

There's... not a lot of good games this weekend. There's some serious potential herpderpery (Lookin' at you, Dabo!), but barring some craziness this should be a fairly uneventful weekend, nationally speaking. And so, in order to inject a little juice into this preview, I've decided to (where applicable) tell the story of these games through the faces of Parks and Recreation's Tom Haverford, deftly played by Aziz Ansari. LEGGOOOO TURN MY SWAG OOOON---

I would have used more gifs, but I don't want your computer to start spewing smoke. Everything in moderation*, y'all! As usual, your TV schedule is here, and all times shown are Eastern.

The Headliners

(17) Florida Gators @ (1) LSU Tigers (3:30 pm, Saturday)

We all saw what Alabama did to Florida last week - it wasn't pretty. The Gators are facing an even bigger test this week, as they're strolling into Death Valley to play the number one team in the country, all while giving a true freshman QB his first ever start. This won't be pretty either. Prediction: Honey Badger matches UF's offensive output by himself, and the Gators will need some assistance to clean up the bodies from the field. Oh hey!

(3) Oklahoma Sooners vs. (14) Texas Longhorns, in Dallas, TX (Noon, Saturday)

Is Texas any good? Maybe, maybe not, but we're going to find out for sure this weekend. This is a measuring stick game for the Horns, who could realistically end up in the Cotton Bowl if they continue growing as a team. If Oklahoma plays their game they should win, but, you know, Bob Stoops etc. etc. The Sooners would be well advised to be careful.

Worthy Of Your Consideration

(8) Clemson Tigers @ Boston College Eagles (3 pm, Saturday)

Is Clemson very good? It sure looks like it. Is BC awful? Yes. However, I will believe Clemson can make it through a season sans one inexplicable loss when I see it, and the Tigers lost this game last year. People are starting to pay attention to Clemson, which means The Dabo-ing is nigh.

California Golden Bears @ (9) Oregon Ducks (9 pm, Thursday)

The Bears very nearly upset the Ducks last year by dominating with their front seven, and not letting the zone read beat them. Not a ton has changed, except for Oregon's offensive line completely turning over. The Ducks are the better team, but Cal has the tools to stop them. And by tools, I mean a stockpile of terrifying Pacific Islander defensive tackles.

(15) Auburn Tigers @ (10) Arkansas Razorbacks (7 pm, Saturday)

This game will feature exactly zero defense.

No, Tom. No it isn't.

Missouri Tigers @ (20) Kansas St. Wildcats (3:30 pm, Saturday)

Is Missouri kind of bad? Is Kansas State for real? Does Bill Snyder survive on the fluids of the weak, young and FCS? Yes to all!

Miami Hurricanes @ (21) Virginia Tech Hokies (3:30 pm, Saturday)

This game is gonna be hot! And by hot, I mean unpleasantly spicy, heavy emphasis on unpleasant. Tech has to respond from getting their tail kicked at home, and Miami has the athletes to pull of the win in a tough environment. Plus Al, whose coaching stock will be through the roof if he can keep this Hurricanes team together through a season as insane as this. Talk about a hot coach!

(22) Arizona St. Sun Devils @ Utah Utes (3:30 pm, Saturday)

Utah isn't all that good, but they've got gumption(!) and are playing at home. ASU should be able to take care of business handily here, but like most of the other games on the slate, sleepwalking through the start of the game will get you beat. Additionally: Burfict remains a threat to hit someone so hard his girlfriend dies.

(24) Texas A&M Aggies @ Texas Tech Red Raiders (7 pm, Saturday)

How would three straight losses by A&M make me feel?

Fingers crossed. Texas Tech might be good, but no one has any idea because the Red Raiders haven't played anyone of any consequence yet. They can definitely score, which may be enough in this game. The real question is where is the Aggies' team psyche right now, because they got kicked in the peach basket two weeks in a row.

Iowa St. Cyclones @ (25) Baylor Bears (7 pm, Saturday)

Robert Griffin III makes this game worth watching by himself. He's also the only thing that makes this game worth watching. You know what, maybe it would be best to just wait for the highlights.