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Penn State Position Previews 2011: Coaching Staff

What, you thought we'd skip the guys actually calling the plays? As always, ten coaches, five of which graduated from Penn State, will roam the sidelines or watch from high above the field in the coaches box in 2011. Thanks to Wikipedia, accepted legal source of the Southern District of New York since 2007, there is a handy graph.

Position Name Year
Head coach Joe Paterno 1966
Offensive coordinator/Running backs Galen Hall 2004
Defensive coordinator/Cornerbacks Tom Bradley 1979
Safeties Kermit Buggs 2003
Defensive line Larry Johnson 1999
Linebackers Ron Vanderlinden 2000
Offensive guards/centers Dick Anderson 1999
Offensive tackles/tight ends Bill Kenney 1989
Quarterbacks Jay Paterno 1999
Wide receivers/Recruiting Coordinator Mike McQueary 2003

Can you believe Jay Paterno has been on staff since 1999? Time sure flies. Heading into 2011, there are once again question marks on the staff, especially after some public flirtation with other institutions this offseason by some of the staff. However, this should be a strong year for the staff, thanks to some unknown facts about our beloved coaches.

Since he did so well with his investigative journalism regarding Michael Zordich, we asked user skarocksoi to lend a hand finding valuable information that might tip us off to what kind of season we might expect. As expected, some very interesting facts have come to light.

Head Coach - Joe Paterno

Did You Know? After a long discussion with Joe Paterno during one of their many family dinners together, Christopher George Wallace, aka The Notorious B.I.G., was inspired to write his verse for the song "It’s All About the Benjamins".

Offensive Coordinator/RBs - Galen Hall

Did You Know? During pregame stretches, Galen Hall listens to nothing but the German Hardcore Metal cover version of "I Think We’re Alone Now" by Tiffany on repeat.

Defensive Coordinator/CBs - Tom Bradley

Did You Know? Bradley’s favorite actor is Wilmer Valderrama, not so much due to his time on That 70’s Show, but his voice acting work as Manny on "Handy Manny".

Safeties - Kermit Buggs

Did You Know? For many years, Coach Buggs believed that he would be next in line to replace Kermit the Frog from the Muppets when he retired. He was extremely saddened to learn that Kermit was a puppet who will never retire. 2009 was a rough year for Coach Buggs.

Defensive Line - Larry Johnson, Sr.

Did You Know? Other things Larry Johnson can do "as a grown man does":

  • Eat Snacks
  • Shadow Puppets
  • Drink Tea
  • Moonlit walks on the beach
  • Flower Arrangements

Linebackers - Ron Vanderlinden

Did You Know? Every night, Ron Vanderlinden eats a jar of pickled eggs right before he goes to sleep. He swallows them whole without chewing, not unlike a snake. He spits them out the moment he wakes up, not unlike Birdo from Super Mario Bros. 2. (This fact actually uncovered by Peter, assistant investigative journalist)

Guards/Centers - Dick Anderson

Did You Know? Coach Anderson bases his coaching style on a combination of James Caan’s performance in Rollerball and the movie Bloodsport, with a little bit of Dalton from Road House thrown in.

Tackles/Tight Ends - Bill Kenney

Did You Know? As a running gag, the coaching staff ends every meeting with Bill Kenny receiving a pink slip and Jay yelling "Oh my God, they fired Kenney!" Bill Kenney doesn’t laugh however, because he hasn’t received a paycheck for the past 3 years.

QBs - Jay Paterno

Did You Know? After watching Air Bud: Golden Receiver, Jay Paterno has been exclusively recruiting Golden Retrievers in the Western PA/Ohio area. He has several prospects lined up to attend camp next summer, once they are paper trained.

WRs/Recruiting Coordinator - Mike McQuery

Did You Know? Other nicknames Mike McQueary considered:

  • The Flaming Enchilada
  • Captain Ginger von Redhairhoffen
  • Even Bigger Red (wink)
  • Michael Michael I’ve-got-a-cannon-for-an-arm-and-I’m-not-afraid-of-Joe-Paterno-cycle