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Your Week Two Totally Serious Football Odds

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As you all learned last week, we take our college football very seriously here at BSD. What better way to show just how serious we are than by handicapping the weeks' storylines that fans care about the most? Read on, my friends:

  • Odds that Nick Saban wishes this Saturday's game against Penn State was being played in East Lansing. (4:1)
  • Number of Phish and Grateful Dead tunes that will be played at the Cal-Colorado game (O/U 50.5)
  • Number of fans at the Cal-Colorado game who will claim they saw a giant, multi-colored, snake slither across the field. Turns it out it was just Ralphie the Buffalo doing his usual pre-game scramper. (O/U 20,000)
  • Number of times Brian Kelly turns purple and passes out while publicly excoriating a player on the sideline. (O/U 4.5)
  • Odds that Brady Hoke's post-game presser will feature him channeling his inner Chris Farley as Norman Schwarzkopf, screaming I WANT DANTONIO. I WANT DANTONIO. (5:1)
  • Odds that the Notre Dame at Michigan night game will emit levels of smug so toxic, it will cause a Perfect Storm of Self-Satisfaction the likes of which we've never seen. (1:1)