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Hey, Wha Happen? PSU 14, OSU 63

What a pile of crap.

Greg Bartram-USA TODAY Sports

Penn State played like it had been gut shot in a turf war just prior to entering Ohio Stadium.  Unable to move its feet, shed blocks, or execute assignments, Penn State got creamed 63-14.  Most points allowed since 1899, when something called "Duquesne Athletic Club" scored 64.  Hooray for history.  Most yards allowed since....ever.  Most this, worst that, we should probably all go hang ourselves.  The End.

Only Continue Reading If You Did Not Watch The Game And Actually Wonder Wha Happen, Or You Enjoy Watching Loved Ones Die Painfully

1st Quarter

Ohio State took the kickoff and went 75 yards in 7 plays for a touchdown.  Penn State received the kickoff and threw an interception in the OSU end zone.  Penn State made a tackle for loss on first down, and forced a 3-and-out from the Buckeyes.  Then we punted it right back to them, downing it at the OSU 12.  Ohio State went 88 yards in 10 plays for a second touchdown.  We got the ball back, and Hackenberg was strip sacked on first down.  He threw an interception on second down.  End of 1st: OSU 14, PSU 0

2nd Quarter

Braxton Miller blah blah, goes 56 yards in 6 plays, taking a 21 - 0 lead.  PSU goes 3-and-out.  OSU goes 60 yards in 8 plays, taking a 28-0 lead.  Penn State "answers", with an 81 yard, 11 play drive that ended with a touchdown.  Cherish it, because things are about to get even uglier.  OSU returned the kickoff to the PSU 45.  Then Carlos Hyde ran 39 yards untouched into the end zone on 2nd down.  35-7.  Penn State punted.  Ohio State went 84 yards in 6 plays, and 52 seconds, reaching the end zone for a sixth time, with just 3 seconds left in the first half.  End of 2nd : OSU 42, PSU 7.

3rd Quarter

We trade punts, and then Zach Zwinak fumbles without being touched at our own 33.  Ohio State scores in two plays.  Hackenberg doesn't return to the game, having suffered a shoulder contusion at the end of the first half.  Tyler Fergusen's first drive goes nowhere - punt.  Ohio State goes 72 yards in 7 plays for yet another touchdown.  Penn State starts at its own 18 yard line after another spectacular kick return, and makes it to the Buckeye 25, where we turn it over on downs after Urban Meyer successfully challenges the spot of the football.  End of 3rd: OSU 56, PSU 7.

4th Quarter

Kenny Guiton is your quarterback.  The TV coverage shows Buckeye starters in recliners on their sideline.  OSU staffers are baking them cookies.  Guiton takes Ohio State 80 yards in 11 plays for another touchdown.  Tyler Fergusen throws a 2 yard pass to Allen Robinson, and Robinson runs around, weaving thru traffic from one sideline to the other, and finishes in the end zone for a touchdown.  Ohio State puts in Cardale "skool" Jones at quarterback.  Because symmetry.  Game mercifully concludes; OSU 63, PSU 14.

Three Completely Unrelated, Probably Useless Thoughts

1) //stares into space

2) //blinks once or twice

3) Wow did I make some outstanding bbq this weekend.