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Pickin' Nits Can No Longer Think of Witty Headlines

Nope. Nothin'.

Matthew O'Haren-USA TODAY Sports

We're just gonna jump right into it this week, alright? Your soundtrack this week, in honor of Andy Samberg's new show apparently being a lot better than I thought it was going to be (I expected it to be trash), is this classic tune from The Lonely Island. Let's get to it.

Women's Soccer

  • Since the last time we met, the #3 lady futbolers went 3-0, because they're arguably the best team on Penn State's campus right now. Don't give me none of that women's volleyball stuff...ok you can give me that and you'll probably be right. BUT STILL.
  • After a 3-2 double OT win over Northwestern on September 20 where Penn State scored two goals in the final 11 minutes of regulation, Penn State pimp slapped Purdue and Indiana by an aggregate score of 10-2 (6-1 and 4-1, respectively). I know we've been over this, but they're very good.
  • Hey, speaking of very good, Maya Hayes! She has 12 goals on the year, which makes her tied for 3rd in the NCAA.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: Three matches, two are on the road. On the 4th and 6th, the team travels to Wisconsin and Minnesota, then returns to Happy Valley on the 13th to take on Michigan.

Men's Soccer

  • Before we start, an embarrassing fact about me: when I went to look up the schedule for the men's soccer team on GoPSU, I accidentally clicked on "football" and got confused when I only saw 12 games and a dude in pads. Between that and my stinky armpits, my transformation into a European man is complete.
  • Whilst the lady futbolers leave a trail of bodies in their path, the men's futbolers are en fuego, as well. Their three matches against Duqane, West Virginia, and Wisconsin? All wins.
  • The team has had fantastic play in the back from keeper Andrew Wolverton in their three wins, with scorelines of 1-0, 2-1, and 3-1 against the three aforementioned teams. Aside from the team's 4-1 loss to Rutgers, they have not allowed more than one goal in any game. Wolverton has allowed eight goals in the team's eight games. Take out the performance against Rutgers, and he's allowed four goals in seven contests. Not bad.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: The team plays St. Francis at home tonight, goes to Indiana on Sunday, and hosts Michigan next Friday. Also, in a soccer programming note, the USMNT plays next Friday, so if you wanna grab a beer and watch as I slowly morph into a neurotic USMNT supporter, GET AT ME.

Field Hockey

  • After stumbling out of the gate, the 4th ranked field hockey team won its last six matches. Last week, they beat Delaware (5-0), Lafayette (3-0), Miami (OH) (2-1), and Indiana (4-0). Four matches, aggregate of 14-1. Not bad.
  • Like the men's soccer team, a special shout out needs to be paid to the team's defense and its keeper, Kylie Licata. She's 23rd in the country in GAA, allowing 1.60 per game. Her recent hot streak certainly has helped, as she has allowed one goal in four matches, but still. She's really good, you guys.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: Three matches -- two at home against jNW and Ohio State and Ohio State on the 5th and 11th, respectively. They then travel to Bucknell on the 13th. w00t.

Cross Country



  • Both men's and women's golf did thing these past few weeks. Here are thing they did.
  • Men's golf game in a tie for 13th at the Windon Memorial Classic in Lake Forest, Illinois. The team shot +34 overall (the winners, Northwestern, shot -4), and the team's top finisher was JD Dornes, who shot +5 (Chris O'Neill of Michigan shot a -8, the best of the tournament). Eew.
  • Women's golf also came in 13th in their event, the Mercedes Benz Intercollegiate in Knoxville, Tennessee. They shot a 601 as a team, and its best finisher was Ellen Ceresko, who shot a 150. For reference, Arkansas won with a 563, and the top performer was Arkansas's Emily Tubert, who shot a 137. WOOF.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: The men are off for a while. The women have tournaments each of the next two weeks: the Nittany Lion Invitational this weekend, and the Pirate Intercollegiate in Greenville, N.C. the following weekend.


  • Women's tennis joined us last time, but welcome, men's tennis! Is that an Edible Arrangement you brought me? Oh you kids!
  • We'll start with women's tennis, because Marie Bedard had herself a day at the Cissie Leary Invitational in Philadelphia. She went home with the singles title, defeating Temple's Yana Mavrina (isn't that a song?) 6-4, 3-6, 10-5. But that wasn't good enough, she also took home the doubles title with teammate Carmen Sandor. The two defeated a team of losers from Richmond, 8-6.
  • As for the dudes, they're currently at at the ITA All American Tournament in Tulsa. We'll save that for later. Previously, they were at the Navy All Conference Tournament in Annapolis, where they went 4-0 individually and 2-0 as a team. Solid week for PSU tennis, eh? Learn something, golf.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: Men's tennis has the aforementioned tournament in Tulsa until the 6th, but they also will be in Charlottesville for the UVA Fall Classic from the 4th-6th. They also have a tournament at Wake Forest from the 11th-13th. As for the women, They have the Bulldog Invitational in New Haven from the 4th-6th. Lots of tennis. My God.

Women's Volleyball

  • Women's volleyball is fifth in the country. I know what you're thinking, "they were #1 last time we did this, did they lose?" YES. THEY LOST. IT SUCKS.
  • Penn State rolled to finish their non-Big Ten slate, beating Albany (25-8, 25-6, 25-4), Eastern Kentucky (25-10, 25-8, 25-19), and Yale (25-16, 25-17, 25-6). The team dropped two sets in non-conference play. I submit that that is good.
  • They then kicked off Big Ten play by losing 3-2 (25-23, 26-24, 19-25, 19-25, 15-9) to Michigan State. I hate myself for this, but NITTANY NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! At least they bounced back by beating Michigan, who I hate more, 3-1 (25-16, 20-25, 25-19, 25-17).
  • Fun stat: Micha Hancock is averaging .83 aces per set, the most in the country. Her serve is terrifying. You can actually hear it. I hold few things in as high of regard as her serve, because I'm afraid it will kill me someday.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: Matches this weekend at Indiana and Purdue before coming home to take on Minnesota and Wisconsin. I'm predicting 4-0, mostly because Penn State is Penn State and the other teams are not.

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