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Pickin' Nits Loves That Ba. Sket. Baaaaaaaaaaaaall.


Reese Strickland-USA TODAY Sports

Ok, so Penn State hoops isn't back for another week, but the NBA is back. I am happy. I am the happiest little girl in the world. And yes, I know the NBA is a league where nobody plays defense and nobody tries. It lacks the PURITY and the TRADITION of college hoops. DEM YUNG MEN OUT DARE PLAYIN' FO NO MONEY, JUST PRIDE. To that I say: go to hell, the NBA is where amazing happens. I'll take a 135-129 shootout over a #B1G 55-43 game any day of the week and you can go eat a giant bowl of fromunda cheese if you disagree.

This week's soundtrack is set to, you guessed it, Basketball by Kurtis Blow. Let's sport.

Women's Soccer

  • We suck. That's awful. The 22nd ranked women's soccer team is going to fail to win the Big Ten for the first time since Bill Clinton was president. Let that sink in for a second.
  • Since we last picked nits, women's soccer went 2-2, picking up home wins against Ohio State (4-2) and Illinois (5-0), and losing both road matches against Iowa (3-2) and Nebraska (3-2 in OT).
  • The biggest shame with all of the team's struggles is that it's completely overshadowing a monster senior campaign from Maya Hayes. The star forward and U.S. International is fifth in the country with 17 goals on the season. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: The team wraps up conference play on Friday at Sparty before the #B1Ggest women's soccer conference tournament starts next week.

Men's Soccer

  • The 5th ranked men's soccer team locked up the Big Ten regular season championship last weekend. However, since they didn't win the Gold Cup or their CONCACAF WCQ group, they will always be me second favorite soccer team.
  • The team pulled out two massive 2-1 Double OT wins in the last few weeks against Sparty and Northwestern, and won 2-1 in regulation against UPenn. I'm glad that we have a really good men's soccer team during my senior year. I'll be sure to bandwagon fan the hell out of them.
  • In self promotional news: I wrote lots of words on the former PSU men's soccer coach and World Cup Hero Walter Bahr. You should read it because I wrote it and you love me for not using "Nits" in like six months.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: Two matches to end the regular season at Ohio State and Akron, then the Big Ten tournament. We have Andrew Wolverton -- who hasn't allowed more than one goal in a match since Sept. 6 -- and they don't. I'm cautiously optimistic.

Field Hockey

  • 6th ranked field hockey has won 11 in a row. Field hockey has played 16 games this year. Field hockey is doing well at the moment. *Alicia Keys Girl On Fire joke here*
  • The team's three matches: HOME against Sparty was a 4-3 win in a shootout. AT Iowa was a 2-1 win. NEUTRAL SITE against UC Davis was a 5-0 win. Just a dominant streak. They're playin' PENN STATE FOOTBA...uh...FIELD HOCKEY.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: The team travels to Michigan to end the regular season before the Big Ten tournament. Lots of Big Ten tournaments. We better win them all. Honorably. Success with Honor. It's a cool thing.

Cross Country

  • The team did lots of running last week. And probably for all prior weeks. You have to be in top-notch physical condition to run XC, kids.
  • Anyways, the team had meets on consecutive days: the women's team ran at the Penn State Nationals, where they took fourth, and both teams ran at the Pre-National Invitational in Terre Haute, Indiana. The women came in 13th, the men came in 17th.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: Another team with its Big Ten championship. Just do well. All I ask for. Or maybe do bad so I have more material to work with. I dunno. Do you.


  • Per usual, I can't find the results for the women's golf team. Of course. I want to fire whichever intern got the women's golf beat. Not because they're not doing their job, but because they have the lamest beat in all of Penn State athletics.
  • As for the horrible men's golf squad.........they did well? What? The team came in third out of 12 teams at the Georgetown Intercollegiate. The team shot +24 overall (the winners shot -5), and J.D. Dornes shot an even par, four strokes behind the leader.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: No more golf for the fall. woooooooooooo


  • Both the men's and women's tennis teams had their regional tournaments. I'll tell you what happened with the women, butt I'm willingly ignoring the men's regional tourney because they had their Big Ten tournament. Since this is my column and I have final editorial decisions, I'm doing that (NOTE: that's a lie).
  • The women kinda stunk it up. Nobody advanced past the round of 16 at the Atlantic Regional Championships in Virginia. Plus the one doubles team that competed lost in the round of 64. Lame.
  • As for the guys team, the story was freshman Nika Dolidze. The native of Georgia (the country, not the state) made it to the quarterfinals before getting bounced. Not bad, kid.
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: Both teams have one tournament before the season ends. The men have the William & Mary Tribe Invitational, while the women have the National Indoors in Flushing, New York.

Women's Volleyball

  • #2 women's volleyball hasn't lost since the end of September. Women's volleyball is disgusting. I haven't made it to a match somehow and I hate myself for it.
  • The team had four matches since we last met. They dropped two sets. Seriously, this team is disgusting. They went on the road to Illinois and Northwestern, winning 3-2 (19-25, 25-22, 24-26, 25-15, 15-12) and 3-0 (25-17, 25-15, 25-17). The team then returned home and throttled Ohio State and Iowa, 3-0 (25-9, 25-11, 25-16) and 3-0 (25-8, 25-8, 25-11). Do you guys think Russ Rose ever gets tired of annihilating every team he plays? He has to, right?
  • The Week (Or So) Ahead: At Michigan. At Sparty. vs. Purdue. vs. Indiana. Yawn. I'm not even worried. I may just eliminate this section entirely and assume that the team wins a national title at this point.

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