Pickin' Nits is Angry and Irrational

I should probably wait until after the frustration of tonight's PSU/Iowa shootyhoops contest subsides to write this, but being angry and irrational is entertaining, even if you hate the person who is being angry and irrational (SEE: Bayless, Skip).

With that said, I'm gonna write this as I hate-eat Sheetz, watch the Lakers implode and listen to the theme song from "Cheers" in a desperate attempt to not be upset that I didn't transfer to a school with a good basketball team. Let's get to it.

Women's Basketball

• Per usual, the 8th ranked Lady Shootyhoopers took care of business in both of their games this week against Michigan State and at Iowa.
• At home against Sparty, PSU took care of business, 71-56. Big Ten Player of the Week Alex Bentley led the way with 24 points and 4 steals, while Maggie Lucas did Maggie Lucas things en route to a 19 point, 6 rebound performance.
• At Iowa, well, Penn State didn't lose. I'm gonna go cry for a second.....*cries*.....ok! PSU won 81-69. Lucas led the way with 21 points, Bentley had 14 points and 4 steals, and Mia Nickson and Ariel Edwards laid the smack down in the front court with 26 points and 10 rebounds combined.
• The Week Ahead: The Nits get to THON out for a few days before returning to the court on Wednesday at home against Illinois. Mike Mauti was going to show up, but since he destroys everything in an Illinois jersey, he'll be staying at home.

Track and Field

• I continue to be confused by track meets on GoPSU. Last week, it said they would be in Fayetteville, Arkansas and Seattle, Washington. This week, it says they were in Seattle and Geneva, Ohio. Only I can't find results for the meet in Seattle. So #GetBillAdamDevonAndDanIfHeCanGetAFlightFromTexas2Wrestlemania.
• At the meet in Geneva, I can't find much info, but I CAN find that nobody came in first. WE AT BSD ONLY ACCEPT EXCELLENCE (insert "then why are you writing for BSD" joke here). The biggest news was Will Barr broke his own record in the weight throw and finished in third. Seriously, I can't find much more than that.
• UPDATE: Shouts out to BSD member Smee for directing me to results of the meet in Washington. It was the Husky Classic at the University of Washington. As Smee pointed out, the most notable performance was that of Robby Creese. Creese was named Big Ten Athlete of the Week because he broke the PSU record in the mile with a 3:57.11. Thanks, Smee. I owe you one.
• The Week Ahead: There's a meet in NYC called the Millrose Games that, apparently, most of the team will miss to rest for the Big Ten tournament the following week. Track confuses my simple, former branch campus attending mind.

Women's Hockey

• Here's what I wrote last week: "The ladies take on Lindenwood University on back to back nights in State College. Lindenwood is 3-23-3 on the season. I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN. Well, ideally. You never know with women's hockey."
• Guess what? THEY DIDN'T BEAT LINDENWOOD LAST WEEKEND. They lost and they tied. They haven't won a game since January 5. This is sad.
• Game One: Lindenwood won, 3-1. Emily Laurenzi scored the one goal. Lindenwood outshot PSU 45-36.
• Game Two: 3-3 tie. Goals came from Jill Holdcroft, Birdie Shaw and Shannon Yoxheimer. Again, Lindenwood outshot PSU 47-28. This is really sad.
• The Week Ahead: Women's hockey is done at home for the season, which kinda sucks. They will spend this weekend in Rochester, NY to take on RIT. I've been to Rochester. This video sums up how you feel when you go to Rochester pretty accurately.

Gymnastics

• Women's gymnastics took on 9th ranked Nebraska this week, falling 197.175 to 195.150. The team posted season highs in the vault, uneven bars and on the floor. Hey, it could be worse. They could have just lost to a horrible Iowa team at home on a night where there coach donated $14,200 to THON.
• Meanwhile, the top ranked men's team got to hang out in Vegas for a meet called the Winter Cup. Which sucks if you're not one of the 44,797 people at Penn State who aren't on the men's gymnastics team and didn't get to go to Vegas. Penn State's top finisher in the All-Around was Matthew Felleman, who came in 9th.
• The Week Ahead: Men's gymnastics has to go to Temple. God bless them. Them women's team has to go to Ann Arbor and take on Michigan. If they don't go to all of the places from the Ann Arbor episode of Man vs. Food I'm going to be so upset.

Swimming and Diving

• SWIMMIN' POOLS sent nine swimmers (seven guys, two gals) to Columbus for the Ohio State Invitational. Chase Schell won the 200 fly, Larry Virgilio won the 50 free and Chelsea Vanderweele won the 200 breast.
• Since there isn't much news about swimmin' and divin' this week, here's a video of the men's 4x100 relay from the 2008 Olympics. Because any time you can make a joke at France's expense, you just have to. USA! USA!
• The Week Ahead: The 24th ranked girls head out to Minneapolis to swim in the Big Ten Championships. The 24th ranked guys have a week off to rest for the Big Ten Championships at Indiana University.

Men's Volleyball

• The 8th ranked men's volleyball team had two matches: a win against St. Francis and a loss against then-9th ranked Ohio State.
• St. Francis was a boring, 3-0 (25-15, 25-21, 25-17) win. Bleh. Matt Seifert had 10 kills, Aaron Russell had 7 digs and Taylor Hammond had 38 assists.
• Against Ohio State, PSU lost 0-3 (22-25, 20-25, 24-26). I blame myself, as there is a rule that Penn State never wins a big game in any sport if I'm in attendance. Aaron Russell had 16 kills, Connor Curry had 12 digs and Taylor Hammond had 39 assists.
• The Week Ahead: *New England voice* That Nits team's ranked 9th? My Gahd. Now they gawtah head ovah tah Hahvahd on Friday, then head ovah tah Sacred Haht ovah in Faihfield, Connecticut on Satuhday. How do ya like dem apples?

Fencing

• GoPSUSports literally didn't write up a single thing about the men's fencing meet at Dook. Do we have an agreement with them, or am I allowed to say mean things about them?
• For that reason, I had to go onto the Dook fencing site and bring shame upon my entire family for going onto a Dook website. The top ranked men's team went undefeated on the first day with 40 foil wins, 31 epee wins and 21 saber wins. On the second day, I can only find that PSU had 31 epee wins, because I'M FORCED TO USE DOOK'S WEBSITE FOR THIS.
• There was, however, something about women's fencing. The 5th ranked women's team went 2-3 at the meet, although they did win the foil cup with 28 wins. They beat UNC and Wayne State, but fell to Notre Dame, Northwestern and Dook. Because ND, NW and Dook needed another reason to think they're better than everyone else, amirite?
• The Week Ahead: Fencing has this week off. They get to get their THON on, or do whatever fencers do when they have time off (I always thought they taught actors how to play Captain Hook in various stage renditions of Peter Pan, but whatever).

Tennis

• Both tennis teams had one match this week. The guys team lost to Va Tech, while the ladies beat Old Dominion.
• Against 46th ranked VT, the guys team fell, 4-3. They were able to take three of the six singles matchups, but went 1-2 in doubles matches. Good job, good effort, guys.
• The 48th ranked ladies took down Old Dominion, 7-0. OD did a great impression of their men's basketball team, which I suppose is admirable. Penn State literally did not drop a set. Damn.
• The Week Ahead: The guys are taking a week off, but the ladies will be in action against Winthrop and Marshall in Huntington, West Virginia. FUN FACT: I used to live in West Virginia. It sucks. I moved away in 3rd grade and I still shower twice a day to get the West Virginia stank off of me.

Men's Lacrosse

• The 15th ranked Nittaly Lions went up to Ann Arbor and beat up on Michigan, 11-6. Shane Sturgis and his killer buzz cut had four goals, as did TJ Sanders and his marvelous head of lettuce. Austin Kaut had 12 of the gnarliest saves you could imagine.
• The Week Ahead: PSU has a major test against 9th ranked Denver this week. Denver knocked off Dook in their last game, so as you can imagine, they're my second favorite lax team in the country right now.