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Pickin' Nits: Finals Week

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Baseball's hot, tennis isn't and all the other PSU sports news from this past week that doesn't involve Steven Bench


It's finals week next week, so if I seem a but punchy as I write this, I apologize. At least Movin' On is tonight, even if Big Boi's backup singer wants to be here about as badly as Braxton Miller probably does.

Speaking of Movin' On, your listening music today is a mix of the three big acts who will be in attendance: "Pieces of What" by MGMT, " "B.O.B" by Outkast (only Big Boi's verse is applicable) and "Sowing Season" by Brand New. Let's do this.

Track and Field

  • So the 11th ranked men's outdoor team and the unranked women's outdoor team split time at three meets this past week: the Mt. SAC Relays, the Bucknell Team Challenge and at Mississippi State for the Big Ten/SEC Challenge. Of course, GoPSU has no write ups on any of them. Let's all assume that every PSUer won their event and we're the greatest school of all time, cool? Cool.
  • The Week Ahead: The team's at the Penn Relays in Philly. Luckily, GoPSU is putting up some info for Thursday. I'll do a full recap next week. Since this section has been piss poor the last few weeks, here's some good writing via my friend/Public Enemy #1 of PS4RS Ryan Beckler.


  • Unfortunately, no PSUers qualified for finals at the women's championship at UCLA, so the women's gymnastics team finishes the season ranked 15th in the country *golf claps*.
  • Meanwhile, the men's team walked to a national title las.....wait what the devil? THEY CAME IN 4TH? BEHIND MICHIGAN, OKLAHOMA AND STANFORD? JESUS. Hey, at least PSU had six All-Americans. And Trevor Howard won the floor exercise! See? Not that horrible I don't think.
  • The Week Ahead: Season's over. At least Trevor Howard won an NCAA title in something. I don't see Gabby Douglas winning NCAA titles! HEY GABBY. STOP BEING SO ADORABLE AND BE UPSET ABOUT THIS FOR A MINUTE.

Men's Volleyball

  • Two matches last week for 14th ranked men's volleyball, winning 3-0 against Rutgers-Newark (25-12, 25-16, 25-20) and NJIT (25-17, 25-20, 25-17). Simple stuff. Now let's get to the good stuff.
  • EIVA Championships are this weekend at Rec Hall. Volleyball has already smacked up on Princeton, 3-0 (25-20, 25-17, 25-23) to move onto the finals against HAHVAHD. Aaron Russell and Nick Goodell continue their hot streak, with the two guys racking up 21 and 14 kills, respectively.
  • The Week Ahead: Saturday. EIVA Finals at home against Harvard. The two teams have played each other twice this year: PSU won the first matchup in Happy Valley (3-2), while Harvard cleaned up at home (3-0). It's gonna be a war. Or just a volleyball match. But it'll be cool regardless.


  • Like men's volleyball, both tennis teams had regular matches then their conference tourney match. Unlike men's volleyball, that wasn't necessarily a good thing.
  • The 44th ranked women's team went 1-1 over the weekend, losing at Michigan, 5-2 and winning at home against Michigan State, 4-3. Despite that, they limped into the Big Ten tournament, losing five of their last seven matches. In the Big Ten Tournament...they lost their opening round matchup against Minnesota, 4-1. WELP.
  • The mouth fart that is men's tennis, well, no. Lost 7-0 to Michigan. Lost 5-2 to Michigan State. Lost in the first round of the Big Ten tournament against Indiana, 4-2. They're not very good.
  • The Week Ahead: There's the NCAA Tournament. I'm not sure how qualifying works. I'm gonna be pessimistic. If neither team makes it, I'l eugooglize them properly next week.


  • Men's golf had the Rutherford Intercollegiate in Happy Valley, where they came in a tie third as a team, shooting +44 over, six strokes worse than winner Binghamton. Penn State also took second (JD Dornes, who lost on the first playoff hole) and third (Xander McDonald-Smith) individually.
  • GoPSU hates women's golf, apparently. They didn't post the results for the Lady Buckeye tournament they played in at Ohio State, so I had to go through Northwestern's site. As long as Pat Fitzgerald doesn't get commission, I'm cool with it. Anyway, after finishing the first day of the tourney in 1st place, the wheels fell off and the ladies came in eighth, shooting a +76. So...yikes.
  • The Week Ahead: Both teams have Big Ten Championships in French Lick, Indiana. Fun fact: I'm wearing a '86 Celtics championship shirt...whose star player was Larry Bird...who is from French Lick, Indiana. ILLUMINATI.


  • The 8th ranked lax bros took down Delaware on Saturday, 13-7. With the win, they clinch at least a tie of the CAA regular season title. SWAG. Jack Forster led the way with four goals and an assist.
  • The 6th ranked lady lax bros beat up on Johns Hopkins 15-14. Since Johns Hopkins' lax bros obviously lift, I believe it's safe to assume that Johns Hopkins' lady laxers don't even lift. While Kelly Lechner had the most goals (5), Maggie McCormick led the way in points (3 goals, 3 assists).
  • The Week Ahead: Both teams are on the road this week, the guys are at Hofstra and the ladies are at Princeton. Also this week: the beginning of their conference tournaments. The men's tournament is at PSU, while the women will play in Baltimore. Should be fun, I think.


  • Softball continues to be really bad. This past week, they got swept by Northwestern (8-3, 17-14, 2-1), beat Kent State once (2-1) and had one game against Kent State cancelled. So...yeah.
  • Some weekend highlights: they hung up 14 runs on Northwestern (of course, since it's Penn State softball, they allowed 17) and two 2-1 games with pitching gems. One was a 2-1 loss to Northwestern, where Jordan Wheatley threw a complete game with 9 hits, 2 ER and 3 K's. The other was a 2-1 win over Kent State, where Wheatley went 6 1/3 with 5 H, 1 ER, 2 BB and 2 K's.
  • The Week Ahead: A three game series at Iowa. Listen, ladies. You're allowed to get a way with a lot. I won't allow a sweep against Iowa. There will be merciless taunting if that happens.


  • Poetry with Polak for their series against Iowa where they took two out of three? Done. GO NICK.

The hated Hawkeyes came to town.

They always make me immediately frown.

But then we won two games,

The walk off was insane,

And we took those bitches down.

  • Also, they beat LaSalle, 7-5. Alex "The Base God" Farkes and JJ White each knocked in two runs. Starter Nick Hedge struck out seven in 6 2/3. Guys, the baseball team has won four of their last five games. GET TO THE CELLAR.
  • The Week Ahead: A three game weekend series at Ohio State. One bench clearing brawl. All I ask for. Especially if you "accidentally get lost in the brawl, end up in the football building and punch Urban Meyer."
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