Ol' Hank Floats Down River on a Barge
But He Was Kilt By A Man With A Switchblade Knife - Penn State's all-time leading tackler was stopped at the Philly airport after the fine folks at TSA found a switchblade in his luggage. I doubt that any of us could blame NY Giants linebacker Dan Connor for taking a knife to Philly. A gun would have been more appropriate, in all honesty, because Iggles fans.
I'd Love To Spit Some Beechnut In That Dude's Eye - over at Off Tackle Empire, Aaron York gives us a Penn State football preview while successfully making use of the CULTURE meme. Fine job, sir.
We Grow Good Ol' Tomaters An' Homemade Wine - PSU swimmer Melissa Rodriguez will compete for home country Mexico at the World University Games in the 100 and 200 meter breast stroke. Is there a more difficult stroke than the breast stroke? Survey says, no.
The Woman and the Kids and the Dawg and Me - Dianne Feinstein (D, CA) suggests cutting the Navy Yard Hub project's $22M in Federal funding, the cornerstone of which is Penn State's Energy Efficient Buildings Hub, due to crap-tastic performance in hitting milestones. Is Philly worried? Nope - because, get this: "they expect a gridlocked Congress will be unable to pass a budget this year". Congress can't cut money from a poorly performing project because Congress performs too poorly to make the cuts..........Carlin, paging Mr. George Carlin.....
They Can Skin A Buck, and Run A Trotline - the Penn State Pullers placed 5th at the prestigious International Quarter Scale Tractor Competition. It actually looks like a pretty cool event.
We (still) Grow Good Ol' Tomaters - the Penn State Master Gardeners tell us about companion planting: maximize your garden space while keeping out the weeds. We're all happier for it. If you make it to the bottom of the article, you'll see that there is actually a Hotline, manned 10am - 2pm, to answer your gardening questions. That's service, folks.
We Come From the West Virginia Coal Mines - the WVU Mountaineers are stumping for a series with Dear Old State, as they try to fill their non-conference schedule with teams from, you know, areas that West Virginians may be able to find on a map. But even if you're uninterested by this development, I strongly encourage you to consider clicking the link if only to see the most awesome Dana Holgorson / Mountaineer photo of all times.
A Scranton Boy Can Survive - Eric Shrive is on his way to hitting $100,000 raised during his Lift For Life career. That's $100k, folks. It's a lot of cash, and it puts Eric Shrive at the top of my list in the search for a new University President. Meanwhile, if you haven't jumped on the Garry Gilliam-BSD train yet, I encourage you to swing by Paige's post. Garry also got a shout out from his new position coach, Mac McWhorter.
Don't Axe Me, 'Hank, Why Do You Drink'? - Assistant Professor of Biology Marcel Salathe is pushing public health officials to use the tweeters for what he terms, 'Digital Epidemiology'. Note to Marcel: hook up with an associate prof from the Smeal College, brah. He/she can think up a much cooler name than that, and it'll get more traction.
If He Gets Stoned An' Sings All Night Long - it's uh, Urban-Meyer Tradition. At least, that's what Shelly Stallsmith postulates in this piece over at Penn Live. Oh, and don't sweat Rutgers and Maryland, folks.
You Only Get Mugged If You Go Downtown - but it's still a great date night idea. Centre Stage will host "Doubt: A Parable", July 24th thru August 3rd. It won a Pulitzer, a Tony Award for Best Play, and features award winning actress Jane Ridley. Surprise your woman with two tickets. It'll make her think there's still hope that you can be more than just a hairy, emotionless Cro-Magnon pit of despair.
We Make Our Own Whiskey an' Our Own Smoke, Too - Penn State finished 6th in the Director's Cup, earning a school record 1,100 points. Stanford finished 1st, again, with 1,261.75. Hooray. Florida, UCLA, Michigan, and Texas A&M rounded out the top five.
Cornbread an' Iced Teas Took the Place of Pills and 90-Proof - A group of 8 Penn Staters won the 2013 Chef Culinary Conference, held in Amherst, MA. Take a read through the competition, and the menu they put together. It's impressive.
An' Little Towns All Around This Land - Grantland's Michael Weinrub, not just a Penn Stater but a townie, is cranking out an epic series on College Football's Games of the Century. It's excellent, and contains two tales (so far) that involve Penn State directly: the Dick Nixon 1969 Championship, and the 1979 Sugar Bowl. I'm sure that the 1987 Fiesta Bowl will get its due, as well. But those two, plus this one about the 1984 Orange Bowl, should keep you entertained for a few hours at work. Enjoy.
The Stations Up Here They Don't Sound Off With Dixie - the Undergrad Association is hooking up 150 students with a free bus ride to two away games this season: the opener vs. Syracuse at Giants Stadium, and at the Horseshoe in Columbus. Find your own tickets, but they'll cart you there and back, as long as you have pants on.
N/A N/A N/A - let's avoid the rambunctious honkey tonk lyrics, and just wish Zayd Issah good luck. He received probation before judgment, and now has an opportunity to avoid jail and keep a clean record.
It Takes A Whole Lotta Liquor to Like Her, An' That's Why I Drink All The Time - Jermaine Marshall is headed to Arizona State. And that's all I have to say about that.
Quick Wrestling Update
Our man bveo12 did all the legwork for us, posting about Head Wrestling Coach Cael Sanderson's two most recent recruiting gets for the 2014 class: #4 overall Nick Nevills, a heavy from California, and (717's own) #1 overall Chance Marsteller, a middleweight who has not yet lost a high school match, despite wrestling as a middleweight since 9th grade.
It's not surprising that Sanderson's pulling talented kids into his program. But there are a few completely awesome things about what he's putting together at the Lorenzo Wrestling Center which you may not know:
1) Talent + desire + coaching = pretty dangerous mix, as evidenced by 3 consecutive team National Championships, 6 individual champions, 16 All-Americans, 1 Hodge Trophy (wrestling Heisman), plus 3 Olympic Medals (1 gold, 1 silver, 1 bronze) from the Nittany Lion Wrestling Club members.
2) Penn State Wrestling had 26 Academic All Big Ten wrestlers in the last 3 seasons.
3) Penn State wrestling boasts the highest average GPA, and has logged the most community service hours, across all varsity sports.
To sum up: they win on the mat, in the practice room, in the classroom, and in the community. They are the pinnacle of Penn State sports; it isn't all that close; and, it doesn't show any signs of stopping. 2013-14 could be the best team yet. Wrestling starts as foosball ends. Hope to see you then.
Hank Jr: Pearls of Wisdom
"Lordy, I have loved some ladies,
And I have loved Jim Beam.
An' they both tried to kill me,
Please leave your favorite Hank Jr pearl of wisdom in the comments.
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