Playin' The Foosballs Behind My Back, Golden Edition
Golden Flashes - Clayton Sauertieg over at VBR gives us a preview of Kent State. Kent State are the Golden Flashes. Be careful not to confuse golden flashes with heat flashes, flash backs, or golden showers - all of which are completely different things.
Golden Tickets - an NFL.com draft writer claims that the best defensive line duo in the Big Ten is.....wait for it....DaQuan Jones and Deion Barnes. Who is Mike Huguenin, and how is he qualified to make such a claim? I don't know, but his profile picture suggests he loves watching game film on random weekdays while plowing thru an 18-pack of Bud cans, and listening to a mix tape of 70's rock. Yes, that's jealousy talking.
Golden Predictions - CBS Sports, via Dustin Hockensmith at PennLive, slots the Nittany Lions as the 34th best collegiate football team in the entire United States, FBS Division (formerly 1A). That's 7th in the Big Ten.
Golden Pardon - in one of the most generous sacrifices I can recall, Dustin Hockensmith saves us all the torture of watching ESPN programming by carrying that burden alone, and relays just the relevant 5 minutes of video from BO'B's time on the Dan LeBetard Show, in which he discusses chin pits. Thanks, Dustin. Seriously - we owe you one.
Stay Golden, Pony Boy - Lindy's previews Penn State football for us at this link, in about 1000 words. That's approximately 119 fewer pages of preview than the We Are! version, and 100 fewer words than this pathetic SwH. Lindy's areas of concern? Right tackle, UNPRECEDENTED Sanctions, and, kicking. Conejo, please report to this thread immediately.
Let's Get Rich On Cheap Labor - Penn State dropped 7 spots, from 12th to 19th, in merchandise sales. After pouring over the econometrics and exhaustively analyzing them for trends, the Athletic Department concluded, Thanks, Obama.
Let's Get Rich On Snacks - who? Who doesn't like the chocolate covered pretzel?! Particularly when it's blue and white fudge. Good job, Wolfgang.
Girls Kick Balls. Profit - the #4 Women's Soccer team is ranked #4. They're good. And they're predicted to win a 16th straight Big Ten title. Sixteen. Six......Teen. They've only been in the Big Ten 20 years. Sixteen in a row, dude. Clearly, the rest of the Big Ten are a bunch of misogynists. Stop the oppression, Northwestern. Stop the hate, Nebraska. For shame, Michigan. Let girls play sports. If nothing else, kicking balls keeps them off the roads. Oh, and they'll open this Friday night at 7pm, vs. Navy, with "a friendly". Go check it out.
Pullin' Down Cash - the best Arts Festival in the world is....wait for it...the Central Pennsylvania Festival of the Arts, which took the top spot in in Sunshine Artist magazine. Suck on that, numbers 2 thru 100. The rankings were based on three criteria: 1) sales; 2) police citations; and 3) short shorts. Apparently other Arts Festivals are wild, wild affairs, resembling biker rallies, while our Arts Fest is quite benign, yet dripping with cash and latent sexuality.
Because, Science - a team of researchers, including PSU's Doug Cavener, isolated the effects of a protein, PERK, in relation to memory disorders, such as Alzheimers. Regulating this protein may provide a treatment. Follow Doug on Twitter, @'SupY'all?
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