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Michigan Interviews Head Coach Candidates

Black Shoe Diaries captures evidence of Michigan's coaching search.

Artist's interpretation of Michigan Board of Regents
Artist's interpretation of Michigan Board of Regents

The University of Michigan Board of Regents, photo representation above, keeps its own counsel.  This secretive group of power brokers conducted several candidate interviews for the position of head football coach.  Using well placed operatives, Black Shoe Diaries managed to capture pieces of the conversations, along with a few photographs.

According to sources, the first to interview was former Rutgers coach Greg Schiano.  Schiano, curiously, brought two coordinators with him to the interview, as shown in this picture below.  BSD believes that Schiano's preparation, and staff involvement, were moves well received by the Michigan Regents.


[Unidentified Regent]: "Coach Schiano, thank you for coming to Ann Arbor.  Are these two men your assistants?"

[Schiano]: "Da.  Defense. Offense.  They coach you say?  Zhestkii, kholodnii.  Hard, cold.  Like iron in Siberian winter."

[Unidentified Regent]: "Splendid.  That'll be music to the ears of many Michigan Men!  Right this way, please, sirs."


Three days later, sources delivered evidence of a second candidate, Boston College's Steve Addazio.  It appears that Addazio arrived in disguise, likely not to upset his current employer, who is known to fire coaches simply for interviewing.  However, we were unable to gather any corresponding audio of conversations to support our conclusion that Addazio did in fact interview.



On Tuesday, a third candidate arrived to Ann Arbor.  The mullet and overalls matched well with the recorded audio we received.  Without a doubt, Michigan's third candidate was Mississippi State's Dan Mullen.


[Mullen]: "Hey y'all!  Woo, cold up 'ere, ain't it?  I s'pose y'all gotta carry a cushion to the outhouse so yer cheeks ain't freeze up?"

[Unidentified Regent]: "...yes, well...thank you for your time, Coach Mullen."

[Mullen]: "Over already?  Well bless yer hearts, then."


According to sources in Ann Arbor, only Greg Schiano returned for a second interview.  The Regents, however, became confused when Schiano brought only half of his staff from the initial interview.


[Unidentified Regent]: "Welcome back, Coach Schiano, and Defense Minister Zhukov.  Was your Minister of Offense unable to attend?  We could have rescheduled to accommodate him."

[Schiano]: "Only one Minister.  Defense only.  Ya-- I am Minister Offense."

[Regent]: "Oh, well.  My mistake then.  Please accept my apologies.  I thought we had also spoken to a Comrade Iganov-"

[Schiano]: "NYET.  No.  Only one Minister - Defense.  Ya Offense.  Now, we go to dacha."


Stay tuned to Black Shoe Diaries for all of the latest breaking news regarding the Michigan coaching search.