In a move that seemed unfathomable days ago, Christian Hackenberg has decided to leave Penn State immediately to become the newest member of the Pitt Panthers. His announcement came at a shocking time, as Nittany Nation was basking in the glow of of a tremendous recruiting class being put together by James Franklin. But just as the 2015 class reached number two in the entire nation, one must ask the hard questions regarding how many members of this outstanding class will still be with Penn State come National Signing Day.
While James Franklin seemed to win everyone over within a rather large radius of Happy Valley, unexpected friction between the two seems to be the reason behind the departure.
"At first I was pumped we got Coach Franklin," Hackenberg said. "He loves the game of football more than anyone I've ever met and was always full of energy, which really was getting me fired up for the fall."
However, things quickly took a dark turn from there.
"I never thought someone could have too much energy until I met Coach Franklin," Hackenberg said. "Several times I would wake up to him peering through my dorm window, just waiting for me to wake up so we can start studying film. He would just stand there yelling "HACK! HACK! HACK! ONLY 197 DAYS UNTIL INDIANA....WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING ASLEEP AT 2:15 IN THE MORNING?!?!?!??? HACK! HACK! HACK!" It really just became too exhausting and more than I could handle."
"One night I was out on a date with a girl from my econ class. We get seated at our table, and what do you know, Coach Franklin was waiting at our table next to a squat rack. I mean, how do you even get one of those in a restaurant anyways? I love Penn State, but it just got to be way too much. It will be a big adjustment to have to whisper the plays in the huddle to my teammates during home games so the defense can't hear us, but I'm up for the challenge."
Please stay tuned for further developments as this breaking story continues to evolve.
UPDATE: If you're still reading, and actually believe the news above please take a sip of coffee and look at the calendar.