BSD Mailbag 5.16.14

Can you bring me some Wings Over? -- Devon

I'm back home right now, so no, I cannot. Might I recommend ordering from Wings Over Farmingdale?

If PSU goes undefeated this year, and the sanctions have not been dropped, but the Paterno suit looks like it is going into discovery, does the NCAA let PSU into the playoffs? -- catalacjack

Well if the sanctions haven't been dropped, Penn State's not going into the playoffs no matter how well they do this year. However, I have long been one of those people who have held the belief that the bowl ban will be lifted. My theory is the NCAA felt like it needed to act harshly against PSU when the sanctions came down, then as public perception of the university shifted from "the school needs to be punished" to "everyone involved is gone, the sanctions aren't necessary," it was going to slowly lift sanctions. We saw that with the scholarship restrictions getting lifted. I think the bowl ban is next, and it's coming before the season begins. Remember this when I'm wrong.

Two part question: 1) What is your favorite flavor of ice cream to get from the Rodney A Erickson Creamery?

Peachy Paterno. Duh.

B) Can we agree that Erickson's nickname henceforth should be Rod-A? -- Kunk

Listen, until the day I die, Rodney Erickson's nickname will be Hot Rod. Rod-A works, but I prefer Hot Rod.

Pick any 10 wrestlers from the past/present and create a WarGames Match. Who's in it? What happens? Who wins? -- Dan

I'll keep it with just current guys, with one kinda exception (Dan is probably reading this and immediately went "I know who that kinda exception is"). Here we go:

Team A: Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk

Team B: Cesaro, Rusev, Brock Lesnar, Bad News Barrett, Bray Wyatt

I'm upset I couldn't get Dolph Ziggler in there because the thought of all the FULL ZIGGLER that would occur has me giddy. But I think Team B wins. That squad is loaded with Hosses, and while it'd probably make more sense for a storyline perspective for Team A to win, Team B is stacked. I dunno. I'd love it either way.

How much did you pay your friends to ask you questions for your first mailbag? -- skarocksoi

Surprisingly, I didn't pay anyone. Except for Kunk. He demanded $30. It was either that or mow the lawn of the Kunk Mansion.

Do you have any real friends in real life? -- ReadingRambler

Your mother.

If you could throw a shoe at one person, who would it be? -- Dbridi

There is one acceptable answer and that answer is Austin Powers.

What's a 5 letter word for tool? -- bscaff

"U-R-B-A-N"

What happens first, Penn State in the NCAA bball tourney or Penn State wins Football National Championship? US Soccer reaches knockout stage or Penn State in the NCAA bball tourney? -- JMO-PSU

I think PSU in the tourney happens before the national title in football, just because it's easier to be one of 68 teams as opposed to the one team that wins the national title. As for the second one, I'll take US Soccer. As a massive USMNT supporter, I have tricked myself into thinking they will beat Ghana, draw Portugal, and draw Germany (who has already won the group and wants to rest everyone before the knockout stage) in Brazil this year. Roll Damn America.

Top 10 Scrubs Seasons. Rank each Scrubs season, with commentary. -- misdreavus79

Oh god this is difficult. I'll do my top 5, just because if I do all of them that means I need to acknowledge the horrendous final season. I'll go Season 3 (the first season I really watched, plus it was the first season where it really nailed the "20 funny minutes, 3 sad minutes" formula), season 4 (maybe the best all-around season), season 1 (great character development), season 5 (My Lunch), season 2 (really set the table for the rest of the show).

What would you rather be called, an ignorant peasant or Santa Claus? -- jiminore

Santa Claus in a walk. Everyone loves Santa Claus. An ignorant peasant is just mean. Also, if you're Santa, people will give you cookies. I like cookies.

How did Fortt wind up getting drafted? -- jiminore

It certainly helped him that he's an insane athlete who put up good numbers at the combine. As we all know, NFL teams will always value athleticism and "skill set" over production, which is probably why Fortt ended up getting picked. He was also a nice player at Cal and didn't have any prior felonies to the furthest of my knowledge. So good for him.

Caption this gif. -- Dbridi

"With all the money I made in college and the city's horrendous economy, I can buy like 60 houses in Cleveland."

Will Penn State advance beyond the Sweet 16 in my lifetime? -- gerrylovesnathalie

Sure. One Elite 8 in the next 40 years is a totally reasonable goal. cc: NextAthleticDirector@psu.edu

Did you cry during that episode of Scrubs when Cox finally came to the realization he was at his friend's funeral and not his son's 2nd birthday party? -- Jared

Brother-in-law* And no. I was completely numb from that episode. Unlike My Lunch -- which made me sob -- My Screw Up was hilarious until the final few minutes, when you find out what happened. I was shocked. I didn't know how to react. It took such a radical turn from "happy" to "sad" that I didn't know what to do. But holy shit that episode was amazing.

How long until Johnny Football is out of the NFL? Related: Should I completely quit watching the Browns for a couple years or so? -- Jared

I'm a Johnny Football fan, and think he'll do a good job in Cleveland. I actually think the Browns will be the best team in the AFC North in three years. Manziel, Gordon, Tate, Mack, and Thomas is an awesome core on offense. If the team can build its defense (they have a great guy to build around in Haden), I think the Browns will end up being really, really good. No, I'm not trolling.

Frank's, Louisiana Original, Crystal, or Texas Pete? -- WorldBFat

Frank's. Not even close. Do what I do: order wings from Uncle Chen's and drown them in Frank's. Delightful.

Rank all Kanye albums from best to worst. -- blackjackfishtaco

1) My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy -- This is one of the few albums I'll describe as perfect. Kanye's rapping, the features, and the production on this album are all perfect.

2) The College Dropout -- Also perfect. Kanye's rapping is flawless, and "New Workout Plan" is easily his funniest song. Also, "All Falls Down" was the first rap song I ever loved.

3) Late Registration -- Also also perfect. This album absolutely has Kanye's best verse (the final verse on "Gone").

4) Yeezus -- It's a more raw, in-your-face version of 808s. Also, the day this dropped, I was working at SLAM and we literally spent the entire day listening to this. It was awesome.

5) Graduation -- Ultimately a pretty meh album, but some of the tracks are pretty great.

6) 808s and Heartbreak -- I don't hate this album like some people think. I just think outside of Amazing and Coldest Winter, there isn't really anything great about it.

Pennsylvania's neighboring states ranked from best to worst? -- Aqua Velva Man

I'm from Jersey, and I've lived in New York and West Virginia, so I'm the wrong person to ask because I'm biased. But 1) NJ, 2) NY, 3) WV, 4) Delaware 5) Maryland, 6) Ohio.

After President Sweater Vest, who's the next big-time coach to move into academic upper administration? -- bveo12

Please be Will Muschamp. I really want President Muschamp. In all seriousness, it needs to be someone who is an absolute control freak that micromanages like crazy and is a really smart, savvy dude. I think the obvious answer is Nick Saban.

The best synth pop band not named Depeche Mode is... -- ckmneon

Have you heard of Future Islands? I heard them on Letterman and I loved them. So them. Mostly because their lead singer looks like what would happen if Jon Taffer had a kid with Seth MacFarlane.

If you're Deion Barnes, why would you not take PEDs? -- bscaff

Probably just out of the fear of getting caught. But if I'm a college athlete and I'm not a highly ranked draft prospect, why wouldn't you take PEDs? A lot of athletes play college sports because they want to earn a paycheck playing them as a professional, and if I'm a 20 year old dude, I'm doing everything I can to make sure I get paid someday. If that means I have to take PEDs, then I'm taking PEDs.

What did Donald Sterling get his wife for Mother's Day? -- Dbridi

notgonnatouchthis notgonnatouchthis notgonnatouchthis notgonnatouchthis notgonnatouchthis

Biggest snub for the USMNT cut down to 30 players. Biggest surprise that will be left off the final 23. Biggest surprise that makes the final 23. -- Lucius429

The biggest snub was Eddie Johnson. Sure, he's struggled in MLS, but he always plays well for the national team, plus his aerial ability is easily the best on the squad. Here's what I think/hope the 23 man roster looks like:

GK: Howard, Guzan, Rimando

Def: Beasley, Besler, Cameron, Chandler, Evans, Gonzalez, Goodson, Johnson

Mid: Beckerman, Bedoya, Bradley, Diskerud, Edu, Green, Jones, Zusi

Fwd: Altidore, Dempsey, Donovan, Johannsson

The biggest surprise among guys who miss in this instance would probably be Chris Wondolowski, but I don't think that would be a big shock. As for the biggest surprise to make the team, it's between Julian Green or Tim Chandler. Although neither are really that big of surprises, because Green has the potential to be the best American ever, while Chandler is probably the best RB that Jürgen has at his disposal.

Am I wrong for finding this story hilarious? -- SubLime

heh. heh. hehehehehe. No, you're not, because that's hilarious. Tragic, but hilarious.

What is the "right" reaction to trolling by fans of other teams? -- PSU_Lions_84

Never, ever, EVER get too defensive. Really, the only way to react if you want to keep trolls at bay is to remain calm and keep your cool the entire time. The only reason people troll is to get a response out of others and get them riled up. They win if you get too into a debate. My strategy in those situations is to play nice, make my points, and never get too into it. Also, self-loathing. Trolls hate self-loathing.