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Penn State offensive line coach Herb Hand will appear on Chopped tonight. This is awesome on about 409,000 different levels. It's airing on Food Network at 10:00 p.m. Here's everything you need to know:

  1. Hand was at Vandy when this episode was filmed, so he'll be wearing black and gold, not blue and white. But we know where his heart is.
  2. The judges tonight: Scott Conant (who went from one of the show's asshole judges to a silly, goofy judge who makes terrible jokes and is just delightful as long as you don't give him raw red onions), Maneet Chauhan (who is one of the few pleasant judges on this show), and Chris Santos, who has tweeted at Chad and I because he searches his name on Twitter.
  3. The host tonight: Ted Allen, who is the best, because he knows how to be a cold, heartless deliverer of bad news while being lovable and charming at the same time.
  4. The contestants: Herb Hand, and three jabronis who aren't Herb Hand. So, basically, if Herb Hand somehow doesn't win tonight, he'll still win, because he's Herb God Damn Hand, and I highly doubt that any of the other three contestants have ever bought me a pitcher of Cafe 210 tea.

If you've never seen Chopped, the rules work like this: There are three timed rounds -- appetizer (20 minutes), entree (30 minutes) and dessert (30 minutes). The chefs must cook something in that time frame, which is tasted by judges, and the judges "chop" whoever has the worst plate. The catch is, the chefs are required to use four mystery ingredients in their dish, and are usually a protein, something that kinda goes with that protein, and two things that don't go with that protein. So it'd be something like chicken (usually in a can), radicchio, vanilla pudding and a bag of Scott Conant's chest hair.

Have fun in the comments. I'll be tweeting it from the BSD Twitter. If/When Herb wins, we will GIFTHREAD. Roll Damn Herb Hand.