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BSD Mailbag 7.25.14

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LET'S MAILBAG

Rick Stewart

Best Weird Al song/album? -- skarocksoi

His best song is, without a doubt, "The Saga Begins." It's a funny song that, unlike a lot of Weird Al songs, tells a story and doesn't look to make fun of anything (like in other songs, he makes fun of the artist, or the song itself, this is just Al proving he saw a Star War). The video is also awesome. Other great songs: "Bob," "Smells Like Nirvana," and "Yoda."

I don't really have a favorite album, since when I listen to Weird Al, I listen to specific songs and not full albums, but he's never released a song I dislike. Except for "White and Nerdy." We were forced into loving that song, and now it's more overplayed than a Tom Thibodeau player. Three people get that joke. I don't care.

If you had to live with a fan of an opposing B1G team, what team would it be? Keep in mind the risk to reward ratio of beating them/losing to them and the equivalent shit you would get/give. -- skarocksoi

That's tough, because I have friends who attend(ed) schools I hate, but they're my friends, so I'd love to live with them. Like I hate Michigan more than any other Big Ten school, and one of my best friends went there. Same with Big Ten Powerhouse Rutgers. If I'm assuming I know nothing about these people other than their affiliation and other basic things like their arrest record and what not, I'd probably say Michigan State. I like Sparty, always have and always will. Plus all the MSU fans I know are pretty chill about wins and losses.

You have blamed Rocky for Apollo's death rather than Ivan Drago. Why are you such a fucking communist? -- PennStateBasketball

It is mostly Drago's fault, because he killed him, don't get it wrong. But Rocky could have ended the fight by throwing in the towel. He literally had a towel in his hands and could have stopped the fight. My ranking of people to blame: 1) Drago, 2) Rocky, 3) Duke (you're his corner man, you're supposed to know when your guy is, you know, on the verge of death), 4) Pauly (always blame Pauly), 5) the ref, 6) Apollo's wife for not talking him out of a fight against a Russian merchant of death at the height of the Cold War when he hadn't fought in years.

When are the rest of the BSD writers changing their names to Nick (and Nicole)? -- Big Maple

Nikki and the Nicks (WORST. PHYRST. BAND. EVER.) are a step ahead of us. However, if I changed my name to Nick, my dad would be devastated, because he already sucks at remembering people's names. I wouldn't do that to him.

How funny was it to watch Brazil lose 7-1? Follow up: How funny was it to watch Brazil then lose 3-0? -- Lucius429

The 3-0 loss to the Dutch I missed, because I was at a concert. The 7-1 loss, Jesus, I can't even comprehend it to this day. It would be like Kentucky playing Duke in the Final Four, with the game taking place in Lexington, and Duke winning 100-47. The only good that came of it was it locked up spots in the World Cup Best XI for Thiago Silva and maybe Neymar, and showed that David Luiz is trash. I hate David Luiz. Screw him and screw CFC (I know he's on PSG now but still). C'Mon City.

If you could only be associated with penn state by 1 item the rest of your life, what would it be? -- irz813

I have a PSU hoodie that I've worn approximately 2,600 times between junior year of high school and today. It's nice. I wear it to bars and family functions and the gym and stuff. I'll say that, or the Onward State pin I got the day of graduation.

Where exactly should (my Penn State tattoo) be? -- Female Fearless Leader

Absolutely go wrist, if you have the space there. I've always believed that if you get a tattoo in a place that you can see, it should be small, unless you're The Rock and you can pull off awesome shit like this. If not, go shoulder blade, but then nobody will see it unless you wear a shirt that shows off your back.

I work out a lot in the form of cycling and running, I have the means to buy good high tech workout gear. In this hipster age should I trash the nice gear and just work out in cutoff jean shorts and a leather vest? -- Big Maple

Are you doing yoga ever? Because if you are, HELL NO on the jorts. Exercising in jorts sucks unless your name is John Cena. As for running and cycling in jorts, well, I've played basketball in jeans, jean shorts, and cargo shorts, and that was horrible, so I'd probably advise against that. And in regards to the leather vest, never wear a leather vest, because they are the worst. Sweating in one of those probably makes you smell like dead cattle.

What camp are you in as far as scheduling non-conference games? -- TheTeamFromPennsylvania

One big road/neutral site game (team could be good, or venue could be big, like AT&T Stadium), one big home game, one or two cupcake home games. One or two easy wins, two games against marquee opponents to sell tickets and, if you win, raise the entire team's morale. I also think the non-con schedule should do away with the random game in the middle of the conference slate thing. Eew.

Other than Penn State, which Division 1 sports program is most deserving of praise? -- Gerry Dincher

I liked your answer of Stanford. I also think we're a few years of Vanderbilt getting this praise. Fantastic academic school, their basketball team is usually solid and their football team is on the up-and-up (I'm a huge Derek Mason fan). But yeah, Stanford.

Nick and yourself are clearly SBN's version of J.D. and Turk. Nick even claims that Scrubs is how the two of you met. Could you please elaborate? -- Male Fearless Leader

As you know, I started my PSU career at Altoona. Well, my first day at Main Campus, we were roommates, I walked in wearing a generic red basketball jersey and a high top fade and said, "YO THEY CALL ME BILL-ONE. WHAT'S THE DEALIO?" And Nick was sitting at his desk wearing a dark blue/green shirt and a wizard hat and said, "Welcome to our lair! I'm an 8th level ogre magi, with invisibility." He then pointed to the vibrant red ceramic dragon figurine he had on his desk and said, "And this is Randall."

Also, we are not SBN's J.D. and Turk. Spencer Hall and Jason Kirk still hold that tile because we haven't made something as good as "Shutdown Fullback" and we never will.

How ironic is it that the Dungy comments (about Michael Sam) are getting as much coverage as they are? -- Success With Honor Always

It certainly is ironic. Here's the thing, though: I agree with Dungy's comments. Michael Sam can be a distraction in the locker room. However, that's not any fault of his own, it's because people like Tony Dungy -- who I actually think is a good dude, he's just wrong on this, but we're not gonna go into that -- and others in the media want to make Sam's sexuality a distraction. Then, all his teammates get asked about is Sam's sexuality. Which in turn annoys his teammates, because after Chris Long goes out there and throws around an Arizona offensive lineman for three hours, he probably wants to talk about that and not whether he changes his routine in the shower after games. That's how it's a distraction, because the media annoys players. It's not a distraction in the locker room or on the field, but it is in the media. Consider it more of an annoyance than a distraction.

Do you want Sam's sexuality to not be an issue, Tony Dungy? Make sure that every time it comes up, you immediately change the subject to how good of a football player he is. Because Michael Sam is a damn good football player.

What changes to MLS make to either increase their market/TV value or increase the skill/quality of the league? -- blerms

Hi Ben. The obvious biggest thing MLS needs to do is attract better talent. I have a gut feeling that Ashley Cole's comments about MLS from earlier this week are held by many other soccer players, so that needs to change. The way to do that is to grow American soccer talent, and I think that's moving in the right direction under Klinsmann's eye as the US Soccer technical director. Make the league competitive with home-grown players, make it appealing to international players, find a way to make the league's salary cap less confusing, and hopefully that leads to more TV time and things like that. This, in turn, attracts big time players, hopefully when they aren't in the twilight of their careers.

The other thing, which MLS can't do, is make Americans care about soccer. I don't think MLS will ever pass the NFL in terms of popularity during my lifetime unless the league folds (THIS IS YOUR DESTINY, GOODELL, END THE NFL), and it would be really surprising to see it pass the NBA, but if the love of soccer grows in the US -- and yes, Americans are starting to care more and more -- I could certainly see it being more popular than the NHL and if it gets really lucky and people slowly start disliking baseball, MLB. Again, this is years (at least 25) down the road, and a lot of things would need to happen, but it's plausible. I doubt it happens, but it's a possibility. But hey, at least NYCFC is gonna be awesome, amirite?