Punters don't get damn near enough love when they do their job well. Yeah, I said it. And since the powers that be put me in charge of picking this week's BSD MVP for some reason, freshman punter Chris Gulla is getting the nod for his record-setting performance in Penn State's 21-3 win over Akron. Gulla (pronounced GOOL-la, if you ain't know) averaged 48.8 yards per punt on Saturday, just edging out the previous freshman record average of 48.7 set by Jeremy Kapinos in 2003.
Five times Gulla punted, and five times he left Akron at least 65 yards from paydirt. Three of those pinned the Zips inside their own 20 yard line. That's some great punting right there, and it proved crucial for the Bend but Don't Suck Defense (copyright Tom Bradley, all rights reserved) - after their initial, albeit fruitless, 60-yard drive, Akron's next furthest foray with the ball was 50 yards, one that resulted in a punt of their own. Field position matters, and it was a big reason a Penn State win never felt in doubt despite the offense's relative struggles on Saturday.
So congratulations, Chris Gulla. Enjoy the complimentary bottle of Cristal we'll be sending to your dorm.
Anthony Zettel - Last week's BSD MVP, Zettel got his second sack of the year on the Zips' opening drive which led to a missed field goal. The redshirt junior tackle also recorded three tackles for a loss and was the driving force behind a line that hurried Kyle Pohl all day long.
Mike Hull - Hull led the team in tackles for the second straight week, notching 11 on Saturday.
Christian Hackenberg - It wasn't Hack's best game by most measures, but it sure is nice to have a quarterback whose "off-day" consists of over 300 yards and three touchdowns. His two interceptions didn't lead to any Akron points thanks to the stout Nittany Lion defense.
Jesse James - Jesseh sure does love that Southeast corner of the field, doesn't he? Three times he's scored TDs longer than 40 yards at Beaver Stadium, and three times the play ended with James celebrating in the heart of the student section. He proved too large and agile for Chuck Amato's defenders when called upon this week - two catches, 57 yards, and two scores.
Jordan Lucas - Never mind the great game he played - seven tackles, one sack, and one pass defended - because Jordan Lucas gave us the quote of the century. When asked about his strategy in defending Akron's short passing game, he responded:
I didn't want to hesitate. I didn't want to be between the fart & the poop.
First off, congratulations to the Centre Daily Times' Travis Johnson for his Pulitzer Prize in investigative journalism for getting a Penn State player to say "fart" and "poop" on the record. Secondly, if you aren't using this euphemism in everyday life starting today, well, why don't you just try and enjoy life for once?
"Chad, why did you send all those TPS reports out at the deadline even though they weren't ready?" "Well boss, I thought it was time to act. I didn't want to be between the fart and the poop." /is made CEO