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BSD Mailbag 5.21.15

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Finally!

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Rich Barnes-USA TODAY Sports

Is this one of those "let me get your mailbag questions but I'm never going to answer them" posts? -- misdreavus79

SCREW YOU ELI I'M DOING IT NOW DEAR GOD.

What do you make of the seemingly slower-to-fill recruiting class? Just six commits – granted, they’re all of high quality – to this point, is obviously well behind where we were this time with ’15’s class. -- PSUHist14

Well, this show how long I've put doing this mailbag off, as Penn State has picked up two more commitments since this was asked. I don't think there's anything necessarily to this, as recruits committing early is kind of something you luck into (you can't just expect 17-year-olds to decide where they're going to college a year and a half before they graduate high school). However, the patience will be worth it. This class is shaping up to be one of the best in school history, and if Penn State can pick up commitments from some of the highly-ranked guys that Polak listed here, we're going to look back at questions like this and go "lol remember when we were worried about Penn State only having eight commits on May 21?"

Will Arnold Schwarzenegger ever make another good movie again? -- Tomathy

Yes.

Triplets

Daniel Bryan? -- Ben16

So for those of you who aren't aware, Daniel Bryan is a professional wrestler who became the top guy in WWE last year because he received so much support from fans that they had no choice but to give him a major push. He has an amazing story (thumb through his Wiki if you have the time, or just email me and I'll explain!), but unfortunately, due to having a career made out of getting thrown around like a rag doll, he got mysteriously but legitimately hurt and had to forfeit the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. He came back earlier this year, but got mysteriously but legitimately hurt again and had to give up another championship (this time the Intercontinental Title).

Now that that's out of the way, I really hope he heals up, because he is the kind if professional wrestler/person that is so incredibly easy to cheer for. Please come back when you're healthy, Bryan.

Michigan as the Whiteout Game. Do you like the choice? -- lionrambler

I like it because this is the highest-profile game on Penn State's schedule and the university is trying its hardest to make sure students attend the game. I don't like it just because the date is a bit tricky, and if PSU is, like, 5-5 by that point, who would want to go to that? (I, for the record, think PSU will go into that game 9-1, so this won't be a huge issue)

So basically, yeah. It's a big game and the only other game that makes sense is Rutgers, and Rutgers isn't important.

Is Miles Sanders still committed? -- BMAN13

*goes to Pitt message boards*

*sees Miles Sanders is still committed to Penn State*

yeah he is

Has Christian Hackenberg transferred yet? -- jman07

remember when people thought this was a thing that could happen lol (also: if you were one of these people, please go into the comment section and take responsibility for your old posts on the internet so we can ridicule the hell out of you)

How difficult is it to make your own mozzarella cheese and if you can't, are there any decent brands you can buy fresh moz balls at the store? -- BMAN13

While I am Italian, I have no idea how to do this. We usually just get ours from the local supermarket (store brand mozzarella balls are usually passable, but if you have a special market with Italian food, obviously go there). Just make sure they're posted up in some kind of liquid, always. If you're brave, here's a recipe, but be warned: making fresh mozz is apparently hard as hell.

Am I the only one who, whenever I see a Dos Equis commercial, think it should say, "I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I drink something better than Dos Equis"? -- jman07

The first time I ever had a Dos Equis was on Cinco de Mayo 2014. I haven't had one since. If I'm going with a cheap Mexican beer, give me Corona Light (which for some reason is better than Corona proper) 10 times out of 10.

Better U2 album: Joshua Tree or Achtung Baby? -- Dan Smith, BYU

The one with "Girlfriend In A Coma" on it.

If all of the cheese in the world was going extinct, and you could only save one type from extinction, it would be provolone, right? -- Chris Taylor

The fact that BSD employs a person who doesn't know that the answer to this question is sharp cheddar is completely inexcusable. (I know you changed your answer to cheddar but still, what the shit, Chris? Provolone? My people created provolone and it's not worth of being on the same sandwich as cheddar.)

Why is french onion soup always so hot? And why is it impossible to let it cool down before eating it? -- tampalion

I don't eat french onion soup, because broth-based soups are mediocre at best (except for the occasional chicken noodle soup). #TeamCreamBasedSoups

Who/what the fuck is Ed Balls? -- tampalion

Nittany Lions as a nickname is deemed to be offensive by a first year student at Pennsylvania State University. Theoretically what would be rationale for finding Nittany Lions to be offensive and what replacement would be suitable. -- Gerry Dincher

Well first things first, I trust that Eric Barron would kick this person out of school. But assuming that doesn't happen, I think it would need to be something synonymous with the university that is unique to Happy Valley, so the Penn State Canyon Pizzas is your answer. Or Corgis. THE PENN STATE CORGIS. EVERYONE WOULD LOVE US. As for rationale for this, there is none, which goes back to the whole "expulsion" thing.

If Jim Harbaugh was a cartoon character, which one would he be? -- otholion

Sylvester the Cat. Silly, tries to do damage, ultimately harmless.

(For real, the Master Shake comparison ruled, I don't watch much ATHF but that is still great. Hand banana.)

Along these lines...

Over/Under on championships for Michigan under Harbaugh? I'm thinking 10 is too low, but 20 might be pushing it. 15? -- misdreavus79

I would put it somewhere along the lines of 1.5 and take the under. Hell, I'd probably do that if the line was O/U 0.5.

What is your dream one day lineup for a festival? -- Sperbro

This is tough, because my taste in music is all over the place. I'd say a show headlined by Blink-182 (without Tom DeLonge and with Matt Skiba), with Weezer/Brand New/Death Cab for Cutie playing on the main stage throughout the day and Modern Baseball/The Front Bottoms/The Wonder Years/The Gaslight Anthem playing on the smaller stage. Maybe even throw a special appearance by Neutral Milk Hotel somewhere. Opening band is my friend Jon's band, Mute Cities, which is very good -- and I'm not just saying that because they're my friends -- and you should listen to (here's their SoundCloud page). I'd pay $200 for a ticket to that.

Favorite cartoon of your childhood? -- jman07

I didn't want too many cartoons, but I'll go with my favorite episode of a cartoon: The Krusty Krab Pizza episode of Spongebob. I nearly cried laughing the first time I saw it. The other best episode of a cartoon was the episode of The Fairly OddParents where Timmy joined the circus for two reasons: 1) Cosmo said Timmy couldn't be a carny because he's "never even been to prison" and 2) Timmy was asked what his qualifications are for being a carny, to which he responded "I ran away from home and I have a fifth grade education!" and the guy in charge of the carnival said "You could be overqualified, but I'll give you a shot." That's hilarious, even as an adult.

Did Cardale Jones get in Joakim Noah’s head or is it just his knee messing up his game in the playoffs? -- Former_DC_Buck

It's definitely the knee -- it bugged Noah to the point that he looked nothing like the guy who carried the Bulls for long stretches of time last year and was probably the best center in the NBA -- but Cardale was masterful that entire series. His shit talk was on another level (shameless plug alert) and it actually made the "play school" guy likable. I'm befuddled.

Why? -- Big Maple

TIL: Maple likes Secondhand Serenade.

What is the best board game? -- Big Maple

I'm going to call Cards Against Humanity a board game because it's my mailbag and I make the rules. So Cards Against Humanity. Or the Cones of Dunshire.

Will Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn ever have a match that rivals Ladder War? -- Dan Vecellio

So for the unaware, NXT champion Kevin Owens wrestled in Ring of Honor under his real name, "Kevin Steen." He had a long feud in ROH against a guy whose style is similar to Sami Zayn's named El Generico, who is now doing great work with orphans in Mexico. The two kicked the unholy shit out of each other. It was great. I think Owens/Zayn will have a great match similar to it when they're both on the main WWE roster, because they aren't wasting a potential Owens/Zayn MEGAFIGHT on NXT because money. It will be great.

Of all the people that have lived and are alive today, where does Angry Brock Lesnar rank on Scariest People Ever? -- @PhilaBCoulter

No. 1. There is no debate. Brock Lesnar is the most horrifying human being to ever exist.

Disney confirmed 4th Indiana Jones movie in the works. Bad idea or the worst idea? -- Former_DC_Buck

Once I know the cast I will have an opinion on this. Like if Chris Pratt is involved in some capacity? It's an amazing idea. But if, like, Channing Tatum plays Indiana Jones' protege or something, nope. Bad idea. Kill it with fire.

If support for Windows XP ended in April 2014, why am I still getting security updates for it? -- No.21

*extremely douchey voice* you deserve it because you don't have a Mac like a normal person.

Why is Rutgers? -- Lionbacker3

I actually went to RU's graduation over the weekend (one of my best friends got his degree and Bill Nye was the speaker, but I had to bail because I had a concert to go to and I'm a bad friend). So it exists for those reasons: so my friend Dan could get his degree and Bill Nye could get a big ol' commencement speaker check. They also have a pretty good burrito place on campus, which is nice.

I am thinking about totally changing my career at the age of 25. Horrible idea or the worst idea? -- Sperbro

I have a story about this, we'll discuss via email, if you're interested. But I'm fully one of those "do what makes you happy and make sure you can take care of yourself while you do it" people, so if you can do those two things, go for it.

Aye or Nay- would you be in favor of donning skirts, dresses made for men? -- MrNoPants

Aye if I'm, say, going to be around persons of a certain culture and it is customary in their culture for men to wear skirts/dresses, because not doing that would be rude. But just in general, hell no. I would rather lick the floor of a New York City subway station than dress formally, and those are more formal getups. That ain't me.

What is the best tinned fish? -- WorldBFat

I, personally, L O A T H E tinned fish, so they are all garbage. Thank you, please tip your waitress on the way out.

AHHHHHHH SAMOA JOE WHAT IS LIFE -- Dan

Indie wrestling scene legend Samoa Joe made his WWE debut on Wednesday night during an NXT special. He is a legitimate badass who could beat the shit out of 96 percent of people. So, basically, life is great.

Which is more irritating: Referring to any group of fans as the Fill-in-the-Blank Nation (Patriot Nation, Red Sox Nation… Nittany Nation), or referring to any scandal as Fill-in-the-Blank Gate (SpyGate, DeflateGate)? -- kflintosh

Oh -gate, absolutely. The fact that IT wasn't referred to as "Penn Stategate" is one of the greatest upsets of the 21st century. I don't know what part of that is more irritating: the fact that it's overused to the point that ridiculing it is more funny and clever than when ESPN seriously uses it (once a month for various topics, I'm excited for LeBron James to take a dump during halftime of a basketball game and we get three weeks of POOPGATE content out of it on First Take, which will also mark the exact moment that humans fall behind dolphins as the most intelligent species in existence), or the fact that "-ghazi" is a much better and more modern way to do the same thing. What sounds more compelling: Deflategate, or Ballghazi? Exactly.

Which truthers are your favorite? Obama birth certificate, 9/11, Benghazi, Harry Connick Jr., something else? -- WBF

9/11 truthers in a walk. Part of this is because, you know, these truthers are kinda silly (Osama Bin Laden even found them entertaining), but more so because if you've ever actually talked to a 9/11 truther, they're hilarious. I know we're nearly 2,200 words in but I don't care, story time:

My first ever trip to Pittsburgh included a stop at the OG Primanti Bros. I was sitting at a table with a friend and enjoying a sandwich and we started talking to the older gentlemen at the table next to us. One of them asked where we were from, we said we both lived in a more Eastern part of PA than Pittsburgh, and without being prompted beyond that, this man decided to go off on how there wasn't a plane that landed in a field in Eastern PA on 9/11. It was hilarious and I hope you all get to experience something like this sometime.

Will BSD hire Bill Simmons to help improve our Bill to Nick ratio? -- Dbridi

Man if we had the $7 million a year to hire Bill Simmons, I would be FURIOUS that I never got a cut on that. Unlike him, I write for people who can comprehend things without requiring horrible sexism and constant references to obscure 80s movies. It's like how in Rocky IV when Ivan Dra*hit in the head with a brick*

Describe the opinion of BSD as it would be held by our last four head football coaches. -- Dbridi

Joe Pa: "What the hell is this?"

Tom Bradley and Bill O'Brien: "I have way too much on my plate to care about a blog"

James Franklin: "This is a great site, it's important to have great sites like this covering Penn State football, I just wish that Matt dude would get hit by a plane."

Raheem Sterling. Is he going to MCFC? Do you want him? Can he play WR for PSU next season? -- CSauertiegPSU

Well I don't think he can play WR, but I'd certainly like him for City if the price is right. The issue is he reportedly wants an insane amount of money, and City has made it pretty obvious that their main big money guy is going to be Paul Pogba. Add in the desire to re-sign James Milner and I think he's going elsewhere. I think I'll go with Tottenham for no particular reason other than him and Harry Kane would be fun.

Which upcoming season was this mailbag going to be published in? -- Big Maple

Yeezy Season. It's approachin'.