Greetings, innernets friends. I'm tired of writing, so I'm not writing anymore. You - and Bill O'Brien, and Cael Sanderson - made blogging fun, BSD. I like you. I like you a lot. Thanks for the memories.
I stopped writing several weeks ago, but because it's the off-season, you're getting this post now. Thus, with a keen eye towards that "it's kind of similar to content" end goal, I've pasted the fragments of stuff I worked on these last 5 years but never published, because they weren't good enough to publish. They still aren't good enough to publish. However, again, it's summer, I'm done writing, and I no longer care, and so maybe now they're good enough. No, probably not. But, whatever. Let's just get this over with already.
Kill The Lights
Sorry, wrong column.
Hit The Lights
Completely Random, Totally Useless Thoughts
1. Jimmy Delany sold media rights to Fox, ABC/ESPN, and CBS for $440M/year. That's $430M/year for the foosball (98%), and $10M/year for shootyhoops (2%). There's also another $250M/year for extras (bowl money, playoff money, shootyhoops tournament cash) and "3rd-tier" rights (primarily "other" sports, plus Purdue football, and Rutgers hoops) from the BTN, Barbasol, and Ro-Tel. So the total annual payout for each conference member should eclipse $50M per year. Hopefully fans have a sports-tier cable package that includes all 16 channels on the 4 networks.
2. The river of money from these new contracts breaks down as follows: football (a whole bunch), men's basketball (a little bit), all other sports (a little bit). But that's not how PSU does it. Penn State's team of accountants and consultants splits it's Big Ten nugget 60% football, 40% basketball, 0% other - or at least it did on it's FY2014 NCAA-mandated income statement filing - inclusive of the BTN and NCAA stuff, which necessarily includes "other" sports. Insert joke about PSU basketball - or any P5 school's basketball - being 40% of the revenue here.
All of the above is a long way to get to this point: wrestling would make money at PSU, right now, if not for the lazy accounting shortcut, which has zero basis in reality. This 60/40/0 split, by the way, stands in stark contrast to every other conference member's pro forma we could find online - like this one, from Iowa.
But even without any extra TV grease, the break-even point for PSU wrestling is just 10.4 home duals. So if wrestling wrestled more duals and fewer tournaments, wrestling programs could become break-even, or even profitable, without TV money (at least, PSU could), in spite of lazy accountants. And that's a point worth considering during the annual arguments about National Duals, whether "duals matter", and "how best to grow the sport".
3. Penn State reintroduced athletic scholarships in 1949 on a limited basis. Or maybe it was 1953. Whatever, doesn't matter. It was long ago. Here's the football program's "SRS" average for each decade, 1950's to current:
The 2000's were the worst decade since the reintroduction of scholarships. The 10's are even worse. PSU needs to average a top 8 finish for the next 4 years to avoid it's worst decade since WWII. That's gonna be a tough one to pull off, I think.
4. There was only one thing about Bill O'Brien that I didn't like: he didn't assault Tim Beckman at midfield in 2012. Instead, BO'B briefly shook his hand. Should have punched him. But, with that exception, everything else BO'B did was magical, and I miss his angry, cursing, sarcastic smart-ass very, very much. 2012 was my favorite season since 1986.
5. Photoshops, parodies, satire, sketch comedy, funny characters, slapstick. Thank you, editors, for keeping most of these ideas on the shelf. It would have been wrong to show the OL using Hoverounds. Neither would it have been prudent to write about Mark Emmert being named to a "Joseph Stalin Award Watchlist", nor to describe a Coaches Caravan hosted by a fictional "Rowdy Sandy Barbour".
But we can't leave everything in the workshop. Here's one, below, of Graham Spanier, Tim Curley, and Cops Schultz, wearing serapes and sombreros at Chi O's poorly conceived social. It's been a while, so I'm not sure what we were going for in this one. Probably something to do with judgment, but who knows.
6. I had some foosball stats to prove a hypothesis I named "the John Donovan Stupidity Quotient", in honor of John Donovan. But he got fired before it could be published. Foiled by Donovan again.
7. Just for the record: it (was) me, PSUEnablers.
8. Speaking of the scandal fun times, how much would you plunk down to be able to re-read Aurabass's excruciatingly graphic descriptions of the acoustics of rhythmic slapping? Or the reflective properties of steamed mirrors? The decibels of a slammed locker? And lest we forget, the geometry of his man-to-child hip ratio diagrams? He may have deleted his entire library of ultra creepy posts, but we'll always have that shared experience, BSD. Always.
9. Thanks, innerwebs friends. I had fun.
10. That is all.