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What I know about UW

Founded in 1971 by Howard Schultz and participants in the shipping and fur trapping industries, Seattle is home to the University of Washington Huskies. Seattle sports are mostly known for soccer and the professional football team that its fans first discovered in 2005. There is no history of baseball or basketball in the region which is somewhat perplexing. Today, the region is best known for delivering stuff you don’t need and could buy at a local store or Walmart in one to two days and is also the home to everyone programmer’s third favorite operating system.

UW, as it is affectionately known by its 2,300 surviving graduates (most graduates die from bear attacks or cholera within five years), first began playing football in 1980 when the theretofore women only school discovered that men were living surreptitiously on campus. Specifically, these men:

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The team was not very good until recently when, after hiring the coach from a neighboring logging community, they finally started to win 8+ games with some regularity. Of course, winning is only part of the Huskie formula, they also trot out one of the ugliest uniform combinations known to man: purple and gold. Legend has it that this color choice is a nod to their first coach, Don James, who got his start as a pimp in Seattle’s Ballard neighborhood.

The Huskies’ offense is predicated on surprise as they will often lay beaver traps on the field, wait for a defender to become entangled in said trap and then throw the ball to the player left uncovered. It is not expected that the Fiesta Bowl will permit such shenanigans, so coach Neuheisel Willingham Sarkisian Petersen may need to draw up a play or three. Advantage Penn State.

On defense, UW relies upon an unusual 4-4-1-1 formation that somehow involves a goal keeper. To my knowledge, neither Saquon Barkley nor Mike Gesicki have ever been tackled by a goal keeper, so advantage Penn State.

Finally, some may think that Arizona – due to the membership of two Pac-12 schools – will represent something of a home field advantage for the Huskies. However, as anyone who has traveled to the Pacific Northwest knows, it is damn near impossible to get to or out of Seattle in anything less than a few weeks.

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Near as I can tell, the team must leave for Independence, Missouri no later than December 5th in order to make it to Glendale for the game on December 30th. This means that virtually no fans will be able to make the trip and the Huskies should be very tired (including a few fighting dysentery) at kick off. Advantage Penn State.

In summary, I expect Penn State to win going away.

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