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MMQB: What is Your Ultimate Fall Wedding Horror Story?

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Man sits next to a campfire, putting the flashlight up to his face: “And then after asking me to be best man, they said ‘Our wedding will be in October!”

Daily Life In Belarus Photo by Dan Kitwood/Getty Images

For any avid college football fan, there is no more terrifying combination of words than “fall wedding.” The are only so many Saturdays that you can devote to college football, and a fall wedding means you may miss out on one of those sacred days that should be reserved for a full day of action on the gridiron. Seriously, what type of monster devoid of of a moral compass plans a fall wedding?

What is your worst experience caused by a fall wedding? Here’s mine, and it’s not even close:

The day was November 10, 2012. After a rocky start to the season, Penn State had found its groove and was preparing for a big matchup against Nebraska. Of course, I would not get to watch it live because of a wedding. Not only was it a big day for Penn State, but it was one of those Saturdays where the stars aligned and the entire day was packed with highly anticipated games. Sadly, I would be far from a television throughout the day.

It all started with the wedding ceremony, which ended up lasting close to two hours- much longer than I was expecting, and long enough so that I would miss the ending of all the noon games. There was a slight gap between the ceremony and reception, which meant I would be able to watch the first quarter of the Penn State-Nebraska game before heading back out. While the Nittany Lions weren’t dominant, they did get off to a solid start and looked like the better team. I left somewhat confident that Penn State would be able to top the ‘Huskers, although I would not know for sure until several hours later. As soon as we turned off the TV, I shut off my phone. When we arrived at the reception, I informed everyone at the table that I was planning to finish the game once I returned home, and please not discuss the game or mention the score. They were quite understanding, and as fellow sports fans, completely understood my request.

I then made my way to the bar and asked for a Jameson and Coke. The bartender looked at me and said “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t have that.”

“That’s OK, whatever whiskey you have is fine,” I replied.

“No sir, we don’t have any alcohol. This is a dry wedding.”

I stared blankly for a moment as I processed what she said to me. I then made my way back to the table to inform everyone of this unfortunate news.

“At least I’ll have a really good meal,” I thought to myself as I tried to subdue my disappointment.

Eventually our table was dismissed and I made my way to the buffet line- where I found out that the dinner for the evening was hamburgers and hot dogs. It turns out the couple were big baseball fans, and were really adamant about sticking to the ballpark theme for their big day. Now, there’s nothing at all wrong with hamburgers and hot dogs if you’re enjoying a cookout, but it’s not what you’re expecting at a wedding in a nice venue.

So much for the open bar and dinner I was looking forward to as the tradeoff for watching the Penn State game on delay. We made it through the evening and eventually headed for home. At least no one spoiled the game by revealing the score or any details, right?

I get home, get out of my suit and into my navy blue jersey and plop down on the sofa to start back up at the start of the second quarter. Things are looking great as Penn State takes a 20-6 lead into halftime. A win would certainly make up for missing out on a day of college football and all the subsequent disappointments of the day.

Things got off to a rough start in the second half though, as Nebraska scored consecutive touchdowns to tie the game, then took a 27-23 lead early in the fourth quarter.

Then it happened. Penn State drove down the field and just as Matt Lehman reached for the end zone for the go-ahead score, the ball squirted out of his hands. However, the replay showed that Lehman first crossed the goalline with the ball for an obvious touchdown. The refs reviewed what seemed to be an obvious call, as I thought about one more defensive stop, followed by a few Zac Zwinak runs to seal the victory.

But the refs had other plans. Despite obvious evidence to the contrary, they ruled it a fumble. No touchdown. No late game lead change.

After I finished watching the game at 2:30 a.m., I let my dog out and sat on the steps of my back porch as I reflected upon my terrible, no-good day. There were two main thoughts racing around my head in the middle of the night- those refs should never again be allowed near another game of American football, and fall weddings are the absolute worst.

So that’s my story. What say you, BSD reader? What is your fall wedding horror story?