What’s up, party people! Let’s kick back and reminisce about the days of yore, a long-ago time when Penn State & Coach Franklin pulled the shovel out the back of the pickup to fill in the hole that was once Pitt Football.

Archive of Former Former Foes:

1. 2018 Preseason
2. 2018 Week One

2018 Former Foes

Appalachian State Mountaineers

Last Seen: Stomping the hell out of Conference USA’s Charlotte 49ers, 45-9.

Zac Thomas, who very nearly sullied Penn State’s 2018 season in week one, was absolutely perfect, going 14-14 for 295 yards, 3 touchdowns, no interceptions and a 347 passer rating. He also ran eight times for another 29 yards and a TD.

Next Up: Not sure.

Their scheduled game at home vs. Southern Mississippi, another CUSA squad, has been postponed due to Hurricane Florence.

These ‘eers have ten games still remaining, though, and it should be way fun seeing how many of them end in W’s.

2018 Record: 1-1

Pitt Panthers

Last Seen: Getting dirt-napped by Unity Coach Ruthless and our Nittany Lions, 51-6.

While it was enjoyable watching our young-ish squad make adjustments, grow and improve, the shit-show on the other sidelines was absolutely hilarious. Pitt Coach Pat Narduzzi was such a mess, he failed to coach the dang coin toss! It was so funny to be tuning into the game, getting my couch and brew and snacks just right, then catch the Nardddddug bitchin up a storm as his players come trotting back from midfield, five minutes before the game even kicked off. Lawdy.

Other than RB Qadree Ollison, who gutted the Lions in Q2, the boys on the field didn’t help their coach much. QB Kenny Pickett only completed 9 passes, for zero TDs and one interception. They fumbled 4 times, losing 2 of them. Missed a field goal, an extra point, bungled a punt, and gave up a safety via a holding penalty in the end zone—mere seconds after Todd Blackledge warned the audience of such a possibility.

And hoo boy, those penalties! Fourteen of them—for 116 yards!

Next Up: Saturday, at home kicking off their ACC schedule against Georgia Tech, 12:30p, on RSN.

2018 Record: 1-1

2017 Finish: 5-7

Former Bros

Mississippi State Bulldogs

Former Penn State Assistant and all-around likeable bro, Joe Moorhead, is now the Head Coach at MSU. We’ll follow his progress here this season too.

Last Seen: Sep 8, waltzing into Bill Snyder Family Stadium and handing Bill Snyder’s (still alive!) Kansas State Wildcats a 31-10 beat. Nick Fitzgerald returned to the lineup (from a suspension Moorhead administered for some incident in March) and threw for 154 yards, on 11 for 27 completions, 2 TDs and 1 INT. He also ran hard, though: 19 rushes for 159 yards, but no TDs.

It was a pretty fun game to peep. Fitzgerald did look rusty, but his development with our bro Joe Mo should be a fun watch this season.

Next Up: Saturday, at home vs. the Louisiana Ragin Cajuns, 7:30p, on ESPN2

2018 Record: 2-0

2017 Former Joes

The 2018 season’s meaty enough now, that we’ll drop most of last year’s foes, save for one. For comparison’s sake.

Akron Zips

Akron or Pitt? You decide!

Last Seen: Walloping Morgan State, 41-7 at home.

Next Up: Saturday, at Northwestern, 7:30p, on BTN. Tune in early to catch NW’s coach Fitzsplaining the sport of football in the context of history’s principles of human life.

2018 Record: 1-0, or 1-1 if you ask Nebraska fans.