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Midweek Musings - Predicting the 2021 Season’s End Superlatives

Let’s peer into our crystal ball

NCAA Football: Illinois at Penn State Matthew OHaren-USA TODAY Sports

As we march closer and closer to the start of the season, I’m going to put on my fortune teller outfit and give everyone here a heads up on some post-season superlatives. That’s right, I’m going to tell you the bests and worsts from the 2021 season before they happen.

Folks, this is why you pay for your BSD memberships.

Best Player: Jahan Dotson

Let’s start with a layup, shall we? Dotson is the best skill player the Lions currently have, and will be the #1 target in Mike Yurcich’s high-power offense. It follows that Jahan will put up some monster numbers, become a first-team All-American, and a first-round draft pick. Easy stuff, right here.

Best Game: Ohio State

Okay, got an easy one done, let’s move on to something a bit more difficult. The Ohio State Buckeyes will be undefeated when they play the Lions, who will also be undefeated. Sean Clifford cements his Heisman campaign with a 30-for-30 performance, totaling 528 yards and 13 TD passes, as OSU opts to shutter its program in the middle of the third quarter. The Lions go on to win the B1G, but it was this game that everyone can point to as the turning point for the team.

Biggest Surprise: Maryland Trying to “Anything Out” Anybody

Two years ago the Terrapins tried to “Black Out” Penn State, and Thanos James Franklin snapped them from existence, to the tune of a 59-0 drubbing the likes of which College Park has yet to recover from. You may recall this was the game that the Penn State students took over the vacant Maryland student section.

Well, wouldn’t you know it, Maryland is back at it again:

This time, they’re trying to “White Out” West Virginia, and one can only hope that the Mountaineers are even less forgiving than Thanos James Franklin.

Biggest Disappointment: How Lackluster Indiana Played in Defending Ye Old Wooden Boote

With an inordinate amount of luck and inept officiating, Indiana managed to steal the greatest trophy in college sports from the Lions last year. All signs pointed toward the Hoosiers being a solidly above-average team in 2021, but no one could have predicted that they’d simply have Michael Penix drive to the Lasch Building, drop off Ye Olde Wooden Boote, and then call the Big Ten to let them know that Indiana would be forfeiting their October 2nd game against the Lions.

Biggest Dumpster Fire: Parking Outside Beaver Stadium

Look, not all of these need to be outlandish. Why can’t getting people to and from the stadium be easier? Why do I need to sit in traffic on US 322 for a duration of time longer than the game I’m trying to go see? C’mon guys, figure it out.

Dumbest Game: Iowa

Don’t let my newfound dislike of Indiana fool you - Iowa is the worst. Their sidelines are like 3 feet wide, their locker rooms are pink, they play the most boring football in the world, AND they have a freakin’ children’s hospital RIGHT THERE so you can’t even feel good about yourself if you manage to win a game at Kinnick. Seriously, who allowed all of these things to happen? One is bad enough, but four? C’mon man.

There you have it! The complete, total list of superlatives coming at you HAWT from December, right after the conclusion of the regular season. Yes sir, no way any of this is made up or will prove to be untrue in just 4 months.